Don't let me die alone
by Daimee
Summary: Lord Emon's last words have not gone unnoticed. The curse lives on.
1. Prologue

**Well, this is my second Shadow of the Colossus fanfic. It is going to be both a prequel and a sequel. I've chosen Agro as a mare and the name Wander. No reasons.  
>My native language is not English, so I am sorry for any mistakes; constructive criticism andor pointing out spelling errors is very much appreciated. Obviously I do not own Shadow of the Colossus.  
><strong>

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><p><strong>Prologue<strong>

_S__hould you be alive  
>if it's even possible to continue to exist in these cursed lands<br>one day perhaps  
>you will make atonement for what you've done<em>

He was on his way. Spurring his horse forward, the boy kept his gaze on the horizon. It was a hot summer's day and everything was flourishing; the trees carried healthy fruits and the flowers colored the fields nicely. High above the boy's head birds were chatting. It was such a beautiful day that the boy started to hum a song. In no way he expected something bad had occurred on this exact place, not so long ago.

The boy slowed the horse down to grab his bottle and drink some water. He gave some to the horse, too. When straightening up again, his gaze caught something a few yards away. It was a small and slender figure, dark, almost like a shadow cast over the ground – the only problem was, the boy saw nothing else. The plains were flat – nothing could have caused the shadow.

He stood in the saddle to get a better view, but what he saw was not reassuring him of anything. On the contrary – a feeling that actually he should go away now he still could, was growing inside of him. Yet he was determined not to leave any chance; there was a chance he would find exactly what he was looking for. He spurred the horse on, galloping towards the figure lying there lonely in the burning hot sun.

When getting closer he gave a strong pull at the reins, turning the horse sharply, and jumped off. His heart skipped a beat as he recognized the figure as a human carcass. It was a pale, dark-haired girl, clad in blooded rags. Blood steadily dripped on the ground and the boy could see cut marks all over the girl's arms and legs.

She must've been attacked, raced through his head. Hesitant about whether it was sensible to touch the body, he came closer. When his shadow fell over the body, a shudder went through it. Shrieking the boy took a step back, gazing in horror at the girl that seemed to be quite alive.

However, when she did not move after that single shudder, he bent down and rolled the body over. At first the face was covered in sticky hair, but after he had stroked them away, his heart simply seemed to stop beating. The girl lying there was an exhausted, dried out and terribly hurt maiden with blood and wounds all over her face – a face that was horribly familiar to him. He had forever been longing to see her face; ever since the last time he had seen her he had dreamed of seeing her beautiful gentle features and twinkling eyes, but never had he feared seeing her like this! A flash of pain struck him right in the guts and before he knew he had bent forward and was screaming at her like a maniac.

"Mono! Oh gods, wake up! Wake up you! Don't you dare do this to me! Mono!" He kept yelling as he shook her shoulders, but nothing helped; she did not respond in any way – just lay there like a puppet. Tears welled up in his eyes when he took her in his arms. Gently he stroked her cheek, still chanting, "Please, wake up… You're not dead. You're not. I demand you're not dead…"

The girl opened her eyes. Suddenly he was directly looking at two eyes that did not even resemble hers in any way. They had completely changed. They had lost their vividness and vibrant colors. He almost dropped her in a mixture of amazement, relief and horror, but he quickly pulled himself together and called his horse. He saw the maiden tried to say something, but he laid a finger on his lips, whispering, "Don't worry, I'm here and I'll help you."

She shook her head, still moving her lips, but he did not even want to decipher what she was trying to mouth. His horse had obediently come closer and the boy pulled the bottle from the saddle backs, pressing it perhaps a bit too rough against the girl's lips. The water flowed from the bottle easily, but she merely smiled.

Horrified the boy saw how bad her condition was; she must have been lying here for hours without anyone taking care of her; she was injured, weak, perhaps even ill? What had happened to her? Who had done this to her…? If only he knew… he would go to that person immediately and show him what it's like to be suffering.

"Please, Mono," he whispered, on the brink of tears. She was lying there so delicately, so drained of life, yet she looked him straight in the eyes. Even though she was still smiling, she stared so blankly that for a moment he feared she had gone blind and had not even recognized him.

"Mono…?" he asked hesitantly. Relief filled every part of his body when she mouthed his name. Now truly tearing up, he stroked her cheek lovingly. "It's gonna be all right," he told himself more than her, "I'll take you somewhere safe. You'll be fine…" His words drowned when he saw the girl had closed her eyes again. After a moment's hesitation he lifted her from the ground – oh gods, she was so light – and climbed with her on the horse, kicking the animal's flanks even before he had taken a hold of the reins. In full gallop he rode to safety, promising himself that he was not going to lose her, not yet, not now, not like this, but at the very same time begging to whoever was listening to him… that he had not come too late.

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><p><strong>A big thanks to my sister for checking this story.<strong>


	2. Chapter 1: Abandoned By All

**Chapter One  
>Abandoned by All<strong>

Now Mono had seen time after time how hard it was to die in front of everybody, so she was determined to give Agro a quiet, peaceful death. There were only two problems: the only one who could give the mare what she deserved, was not available and Mono was holding a baby in her arms that would not work along.

The images of Wander's death appeared in Mono's mind as she sat next to Agro. Her eyes were dry, but only because she had had time to prepare for this all, when she had been lying on the altar, looking at Wander's deeds. She knew he would not make it through this quest – it was too cursed for that; even Agro knew. It had been the first thought after she had woken up. She had seen it, but still looked around eagerly to see whether Wander had survived in some strange way… But the place was deserted: Wander was gone.

Nevertheless, the morning light was shining brightly through the gaps in the ancient structure. A soft breeze tickled the maiden's cheeks. Her long brown hair fell over her shoulders as she bent forward to the child in her lap. Her gentle features held an expression of desperation. The everlasting screams of the infant had tortured her hours on end until his cheeks burned with sweat and tears and his nose dripped with snot. She held the child close to her warm body and softly whispered to him, but it did not work. Every now and then she felt a little push in her back.

Trying to calm the devilish infant Mono felt her eyes burn. Once a trustworthy and strong horse, Agro's spirit had broken along with her leg. Perhaps Mono had not known as much about horses as Wander, who had been Agro's owner, but she knew perfectly well that a broken leg was fatal. The noble horse would soon follow her master.

The only thing now left to do was wait.

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><p><em>Wander had gotten the horse on his eleventh birthday. Namora, the beautiful grayish mare, had given birth the day before. The filly was of a dark gray color, with a striking diamond-shaped patch on the nose. A gorgeous little mare that flapped her ears awkwardly and curiously looked at her surroundings.<em>

_"She's ravishing," Mono had sighed. She hung over the fence, admiringly watching Namora and her newborn filly in the pasture. "What'll be her name?"_

_"I don't know yet," said the boy next to her. He leaned forward over the fence, as if trying to get the best view of the filly. "What would you call her?"_

_"Diamond," said Mono without hesitation._

_"Diamond?" Wander repeated. "Why?"_

_"Don't give me that look," Mono said; she could not help giggling at his disgusted looking face. "She's got a diamond on her nose – look!"_

_"That's exactly why I won't call her like that. It's so boring to name a horse after its most significant feature."_

_"Then what will you call her?"_

_"Dunno yet. Ah, look at her." He sighed happily. "She's gonna be a top-notch horse."_

_Mono looked at her. The filly was so delicate it was almost impossible to imagine that one day she would carry Wander all around and gallop at full speed. So young. The most beautiful filly that was ever born in the village, that for sure._

_"Too bad it's a mare, huh?" she teased. "Now you still don't have male friends."_

_"I do have them!"_

_"Sure, Brenn and you totally get along."_

_"Hmpf." Wander made an indifferent gesture. "I don't wanna get along with him. I seriously don't see why he shouldn't go out to war or something. He acts like this village is too small for him anyway."_

_Mono thought about the quiet, handsome boy. The eldest and – there was no denying – most skilled swordsman in the village and from a noble heritage as well. "He's not an adult yet," she said. "Besides, he doesn't do any harm." _

_"He's boring. Doesn't say anything. Anything at all."_

_"Well, you don't either, except to me."_

_Wander shrugged, then put his arm around her. Mono felt her cheeks burn as his gaze went lovingly over her face. "I don't need anyone except you," he said. "And my horse, of course. As soon as she's grown, our trips to the forest will be on horseback."_

_"Can't wait," said Mono with a smile and she looked at the filly that had hidden herself behind her mother's body. She really couldn't._

_"Maybe I'll call her Mono," Wander suddenly mumbled next to her._

_Mono started to laugh, although she was not sure it was meant as a joke. "Why would you do that?"_

_"Because she's one of a kind, just like you." He smiled at her with his innocent, boyish grin. "And let's face it, you are similar."_

_"Huh, yeah, we're both newborns and will have to obey you someday," Mono joked, but a strange, tickling feeling teased her stomach. She averted her gaze again to the beautiful young creature that had overcome its shyness and came to them with small, cautious steps. Mono smiled and stretched out her hand to pet the tiny horse._

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><p>"Quiet, little one," Mono whispered while shakily rocking the child. Every now and then she looked around. The space was so empty – felt so abandoned, yet most of the time nobody had been here. There was just a presence. The presence of a ghost. Wander had only come here once a week or so and always left after a short time. Sometimes he had just appeared, Agro not arriving until an hour later; other times he had come here on horseback. When that had happened, he was usually less hasty. He then took the time to wash his face and hands in the pond at the back of the Shrine, after which he would stroke Mono's cheeks with his cold, wet hands. She had enjoyed those moments. She had preferred them over following Wander's barely alive body all over the lands. Rather she would have stayed in the Shrine forever.<p>

She shook her head. Thinking this made her feel uneasy; she had to be grateful for what her best friend had done for her. She could not, but she should not blame him for anything either. Except Agro – it was hard to stay indifferent about that.

Just at that time, Agro let out a deep sigh, as if the last strengths of the horse were fading out. Mono returned to the crying baby in her hands. Carefully she stroked his burning forehead. "Do not cry. There's nothing to be afraid of." The child's eyes were closed; the delicate hairs on the top of his head were reddish brown. His horns… alien. Carefully she examined the structure of what seemed to be solid bone. The horns were not big, but they would certainly capture everyone's attention should the boy ever meet other people.

Mono let her head rest against the skin that was cooling down. She could basically feel the horse's youthfulness slipping away.

"Agro…" Half past the word Mono began to cry. She turned her body so that she could see the shining black coat and let her free hand run over the horse's body. The leg was bleeding severely and was obviously broken in multiple places. Cut wounds were visible all over the mare's body. Her stomach glittered in ice cold sweat, yet the skin underneath Mono's hands was burning. "My sweet dear Agro…"

Mono had seen the accident. Just like Wander she had never thought the mare had survived. Therefore seeing Wander kill the final creature had been too much for her. She had not wanted want to see this vision – did not want to be part of this. Was Agro's presumed death not enough a sign that Wander was doing the wrong thing? In a way Mono felt she should be proud of her beloved friend; he had finally proved that he loved Mono more than anything else in the world. However, he had lied to her. He had broken his promise. He should have loved Agro more instead. Or himself for that matter. His family. His tribe. Anything but her.

Her glaze floated back to the horse that had laid her head to rest on the cold floor. If she dies now, Mono wondered, will it be mine or Wander's fault? Or nobody's? Agro's own fault? Wander had pushed her to go over the already half broken bridge, but Agro could have disobeyed him. She could have frozen in her motions, unwilling to cross the bridge. She could have thrown him off earlier. Wander was an excellent archer and horseback rider, but seeing as Agro had always obeyed him, he was very inexperienced at truly forcing a horse to obey him. If Agro had chosen this moment to disobey, Wander would have had no other choice than to dismount and find another way to the other side. Or not, which of course would have been even better. Oh, Mono would have given anything to make Wander turn around and leave. It would have prevented so much.

Agro's sharp whinny shot through the empty space, increasing the baby's torturing screams. Mono wiped away her tears and bent over the horse's neck. "Fight," she whispered. "Fight, my sweet horse. If you can drag yourself all the way here with a broken leg… you can survive anything."

Agro's eyes stared back in fear. Mono's soft hands could not calm her down; she kicked with her still healthy legs and cried out in pain. Mono covered her ears with her hands and closed her eyes; waiting, praying for the mare to die soon and quietly, so that the suffering could end.

* * *

><p><em>A twelve-year-old Mono cried her eyes out when standing in front of the baby calve. It was lying on the straw bedding, bleeding and softly wailing.<em>

_A strong hand patted her shoulder. "I know it's hard, honey," her father's voice said. "But sometimes an animal – or a person – is suffering so greatly that it's only humane to help it die. If you see that there's no hope, the best you can do is killing the animal swiftly and painlessly, so that it can die without having suffered too much."_

_"But she isn't dead yet!" Mono sobbed. "How do we know she'll not make it out on her own?"_

_"Sweetie." Her father bent down and looked at her. "Imagine you're her. You can choose between either a swift death and going to paradise, or a long life full of pain and hardship. What would you choose?"_

_"Long life," Mono said without hesitation. "As long as I am around people I love, pain doesn't matter."_

_A small smile appeared on her father's face. Once more he patted her back, then he stood up straight. "There will come a moment that you're an adult and have to make this decision for yourself. And you take my word for it: you'll choose to kill the poor beast."_

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><p>"Little boy," Mono said, desperate to calm the baby down with soothing words. "Who's your father – who's your mother? Mine are in the village. They are probably together with Wander's parents. Soon Lord Emon will have returned and bring them the news of their son's death. Then they can mourn along with <em>my<em> parents, if they still have some mourning to do." The child kept crying and Mono moved forward. "I wish you'd talk to me; I wish you could. Why you've appeared here, I don't know."

She did not even know what she was saying anymore. Her head was pounding so hard after many hours of crying, that the only thing she wished was for the baby to stop. With a sigh she laid her hand on his forehead. Thereby she touched his horns. A shiver went over the tiny pale body. For a single moment he was quiet; then he screamed even louder, accompanying his wailing with weak kicks.

"Please calm down..."

She did not even know how any of this had happened. How this could be, was a mystery to her. Nothing Lord Emon had told her or Wander, could explain this. The baby had appeared just out of nowhere, lying on the bottom of the pond where Dormin had just disappeared into. It made her feel uneasy. She wondered where the baby had come from, but not out loud as she was certain there were no answers.

The only thing she could say for certain was that the baby somehow was a leftover from this whole tragedy, which meant that the baby was something out of this world. The deeds of the boy she had loved, had left an orphan for her to raise. And it was an orphan that would not stop torturing her ears.

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><p>That night Agro finally left the world. Mono had decided not to leave her side. The child had returned to his wailing and so, Mono had ripped a piece from her dress, covered him in it and laid him outside the temple under the vast night sky, to ensure that Agro would get her silent moment.<p>

Agro's eyes were closed; Mono lay against her stomach with her head resting on the soft skin. She felt the unnatural fast breathing going through her own body, while dried up blood tickled her ribs. Slowly she let her hand run over the mare's neck over and over again, whispering soothing words.

"I won't leave you, Agro. Don't be afraid. Soon you'll see Wander again."

But would she? Would Agro see him in paradise? To be honest, Mono did not even know whether she believed Wander would go to paradise. Perhaps the ancient gods knew his sins had been committed by a good person that had only been desperate, but chances were they would punish him nevertheless.

As midnight came closer and the last bit of light died away, Mono decided she could no longer stretch this. In the pitch-black she guided herself by stroking the cold skin of the horse. She placed a kiss somewhere on Agro's head. Her hand slid down the animal's nose until it reached the nostrils. Agro made a weak, sad whinny but did not struggle. Perhaps she was simply too exhausted.

"Thank you for everything," Mono tried to whisper, but her tears made it virtually impossible to produce any words at all. She closed her eyes and counted the minutes. As they passed by and the horse's body gradually stopped moving, Mono was not sure who exactly was dying; she, Agro or the infant lying just outside the temple.

When Agro's body had stopped moving altogether, Mono pressed her face against her knees and submitted herself to the burning urge to cry. A knifelike cold punctured every cell in her body while she was mourning an innocent and brave friend, another one – and she begged the mare would be the last – who had died for her.


	3. Chapter 2: Flames of Despair

**Chapter two  
>Flames of Despair<br>**

Barefoot Mono was crossing the fields. Her fingers squeezed the stick she had found on the ground and now she was looking for some dead plants, which was not the hardest task in this land. She sat down alongside a long stroke of brownish bushes and started to rub tiny branches to each other. She was skilled in making fire and it even reminded her about home. Home, where she had cooked and cleaned and obeyed anyone having reached the age of ten. She never realized just how much she had enjoyed all of that until now; right now the only thing she wanted was to go there. Foolish; home was far away and she had no horse, no way of travelling. She did not even know whether there was a way out. The bridge had collapsed and she knew no other way out of these lands. Without a horse, she would never make it anyway.

When the smoke had made place for crisp, warming fire, Mono took her time to light the stick and walk back to the Shrine. The baby's wailing greeted her from afar, but Mono walked straight past the child lying in the grass in front of the massive building.

The dead horse's body lay close to the altar on which Mono had spent several months waiting to die inside. Even though her knees felt like they would collapse any second, Mono refused to leave Agro lying there. And so she laid the burning stick on the horse's body.

"Farewell...Agro," she said. Slowly she turned around. Before she went down the stairs never to return to the Shrine again, she let her hand run over the cold surface of the altar. The altar on which she had relived.

Outside she sat down on the stairs and covered her face with her dress. Behind her the warmth caressed her shivering back, but neither the heat nor the sound could make her turn around. She could still barely comprehend it. Agro… dead. The noble companion of both her and Wander… gone.

After a while she could not longer ignore the desperate cries of the baby and she picked him up. Without looking at him, who had not stopped crying all night, she whispered: "I am so sorry..." Then she stroked the baby's head. Immediately she looked down.

The child's skin felt a bit strange – and it looked unnaturally pale; his still closed eyes were narrowed down to two tiny spots in a sea of wrinkles. He was crying so hard that he had almost turned blue. His screams had become softer, but so much more ear twisting. It truly was devilish. Even his horns seemed to have changed color…

What is he? Who is he?

Mono repressed the urge to lay the baby down and closed her eyes again. Taking a deep breath, she gazed skyward. So much had happened in the last few days. She had finally control over her body again, after so long of passively having to watch Wander destroying himself. Now he was destroyed – perhaps – and she was all alone.

No, not alone.

Mono looked down to the child. A strong feeling of fear and detest overpowered her, but there was something else. This child might be strange and he had come out of nowhere – and perhaps he was not even human – but he still was a living being with needs. Since Mono was the only one around him, she had to provide him with what he needed. She had seen Wander getting killed, without being able to help – she had to put Agro out of her misery, because she could not have done anything else to save her ... This child still had a life in front of him, a long happy life, as long as Mono would nurse him.

Oh, and as long as the baby would stop crying! Mono bit her lip, then started rocking the baby again. No, no, she said to herself, do not blame the baby. The poor thing has lied on that cold floor for what – maybe hours, and had to experience more death and fire in his first few days than she had to in her entire first year. Of course he's afraid and in pain.

"Hush my sweetie," she mumbled. Carefully she examined the baby's face, looking for signs that the child reacted to her kind words. "You're safe now. Safe in my arms. Nobody will hurt you. This land is for the two of us and we will make the best of it. You'll soon feel better," she promised him. "As soon as I get us out of the sun..."

But where do I go? she thought, slowly walking away from the Shrine. The fields opened in front of her eyes, travelling endlessly towards the horizon. Where to go? Which path to follow? One way there were deserts, one way perhaps lush forests. She remembered seeing Wander travel through a forest, on his way to one or two of the creatures. There should be water and food. If only she could find it.

By the sight of the bright pillars of light shooting to the sky, Mono felt her insides crumble. Sixteen of them. Sixteen for each divine creature being slaughtered. She turned around, half hoping to see another one coming from the Shrine, but there was none. No sign that another beautiful and innocent being had brutally been murdered.

In front of her, she saw nothing but rocks and grass. At the horizon were mountains that looked dark and grumpy – there would be no water there. Left of her was more of the same... right were impassible mountains. Behind? Narrow bridges over the biggest chasms she had ever seen. It probably led to the lush meadows she was sure she had seen Wander taking a break, but she also vaguely remembered Wander leaving straight from the Shrine's entrance and entering a forest. Still, she could not remember exactly where he had headed, so she just started moving forward. Step by step, she went further away from the Shrine – she left Dormin, Agro's ashes and Wander's soul behind. But she was not alone, to which she was reminded every single second. Every step she took was accompanied by another howl.

"Please, be quiet," she whispered, trying to keep her voice soft. The baby squirmed and she almost dropped him. With a soft cry of pure despair she pressed the baby to her chest, speeding up. "Please," she mumbled. "Please bear with me..." But nothing she did would help. Frightened she had to watch the baby getting paler every time he opened his mouth; she did not even see his closed eyes – they were imbedded in the baby's wrinkles.

Why couldn't she calm the baby down? Was he cold, was he hungry? Hungry of course, but what could she feed him?

_You know what to feed him._

She shook her head. No, she told herself, I do not. I am famished myself; there's nothing. I'll find some fruit. I've seen Wander passing many trees with fruits in them. That'll feed the baby.

_But you can feed him now. You have what he needs._

No, I can't, she insisted, pressing the baby closer to her chest. Surprisingly, it seemed to calm the baby a little bit. He took a deep breath – oh gods, a moment of silence! – before regaining his strength to torture her even more. Oh gods, she thought again, unable to convince herself of whether to be afraid or not. She couldn't do this. She was just a girl, no matter what the laws of her tribe had said.

She looked at his little face. She could not see his eyes, but for some reason she thought they were blue. His delicate hairs were thin, but still bore that reddish brown color. What had Lord Emon said about Wander? "He's possessed by the dead". Surely he must be dead now. Wander had broken all rules there were; _surely_ the Gods wanted to punish him in a way. But ... wasn't death punishment enough?

What was she thinking? She had to decide now – the child could not last much longer. "I can't refuse," she said out loud. She stopped walking and sank down on the ground. Without allowing her another moment to hesitate, she pulled her dress a bit down. A shiver went through her body when "Look at its horns! Feel its skin's coldness!" nagged her one last time, then she drove all thoughts away except "This is a famished kid that needs milk".

But nothing happened. The screams continued as if the baby was not hungry at all. Mono looked down. Hesitant she brought him closer, but the little boy just did not seem to notice he could drink. Mono bit her lip; by the role she had played in raising her sister, she had come to know all newborns knew by instinct their mother would give them milk. They simply _knew_, as small as they were. This baby would know too, right? Or was he picky and insisted on his own mother feeding him?

But who's his mother, she asked herself. Is there a woman out there, desperately trying to find her son – who just happens to have horns – or does he not have a mother at all? Am I his mother? But how would that be possible...?

She shook the baby a little bit. "Sweetie, are you not hungry?" she asked. The only answer was more wailing. The child screamed on the top of his lungs and moved his little arms and legs. Mono groaned as he hit her directly in a delicate spot. Automatically she let go of him and pressed her hand against the sore place.

"I am so sorry," she mumbled with stiff lips. "I guess you're not so hungry." She picked him up again and starting walking. Trying not to be overpowered by the strong feeling of despair, she fixed her gaze on a color pad of green a few hundred meters away from her.

The forest... please let it be the forest.

What's wrong with him? Why won't he drink?

Why is everything made so hard?

Tears burned her eyes, but she blinked, trying to make her way clear. The pond, she kept telling herself. Reach the pond, drink some water, give the baby something to drink, wash yourself. And sleep... The sound must stop.

"Please stop," she muttered, although she knew it would not help. "I beg you, little one... Please stop crying." A tear dripped on the baby's face – not that it seemed to bother him in any way – and she let him go with one arm to wipe others away. Her arms were jerking with pain and exhaustion; her throat was so dry under the hot sun. Please, she thought, pointing her gaze skyward, all I ask is some rest. Let me rest...

A sudden decrease of sunlight pounding on her shoulders told her she had entered the forest. Having trouble keeping her eyes open, she let her feet guide her. The grass became softer and eventually made place for crisp leaves. Then she opened her eyes. Immediately her gaze was drawn by sparkling water a few feet away. She dragged herself to it, where she laid the baby on the ground and practically dived in the water. She wetted her face, hair and feet, which were red and swollen. She closed her eyes and let the water flow over her dusty legs. Behind her lay the baby, seemingly feeling no difference between arms and foliage. His crying was neither louder nor more desperate. He kept crying the same way he had cried all day. Mono did not bother anymore to hold down her tears. He would cry all night, she realized. All night, the whole next day. Perhaps he'd cry for months.

She laid her chin to rest on her knee. She was so tired that her eyes fell down without her being able to stop it. I'd probably sleep easily through his wailing, she thought.

She could easily imagine Wander riding through the forest on Agro, even though it pained her to see two brave youths that now were no more. The trees passing them were thin and were bent over the two companions, casting knife-like shadows over the ground in which Agro almost disappeared, due to her dark skin. It made it look as if Wander was riding the air. His expression was dark; he was on his way to kill yet another Colossus. Slowly Agro walked through the forest, maneuvering between the trees and over the piles of leaves. They passed a smaller shrine, where the now familiar silvery tail of a lizard was visible, even from this distance. Wander threw one look in the direction of the small building, then spurred Agro on.

She opened her eyes. That little shrine... Perhaps that was a better place for them to reside. She looked around, but night was falling and she could see little without a moon to guide her. Luckily the baby's position was always known to her, although she did not know whether to be happy about it or really desperate. Right now all she could and wanted to think about was sleep.

* * *

><p><em>By the time Mono had got up and dressed herself, the sun had just popped the upper rays over the horizon. Long rays stretched all the way to the sky, but it was a faint light. Mono cast a gaze into the kitchen, where her mother was already making breakfast, and tied her hair into a ponytail. Before going outside she slipped into the nursery, hearing soft sounds.<em>

_"Hi there, sweetie," said she softly. From the crib a small, blonde head appeared. Mono walked towards her baby sister and stroked her soft cheek. The girl giggled and tried to untie Mono's hair._

_"Careful, you girly; you're hurting me." Laughing Mono freed herself of the tiny hands. She gave her sister a kiss and then got up and left._

_Outside she immediately turned around the corner and walked over the swirling path to the pastures. A glance at the horses assured her that Wander was awake too and had taken Agro, probably to take a walk through the forest. The thought that he could stroll through the fields while she had to work, had always frustrated her, but now she was used to it. It was her fate to get up every morning to feed the animals, refresh the water, clean the pasture and the animals themselves… It was a modest fate, but at least she was living healthy._

_When the morning passed and small drops of sweat began to form on Mono's forehead, she paused for a while and took advantage of the cows' size to get some shadow. She lay down in the grass, staring at the clear sky. In the distance she heard people talk; she heard her mother shouting that breakfast was ready, she heard her baby sister cry and somewhere she heard Wander's father's booming bass ordering people around. _

_This was her life, her village. Her family was here, as well as the few friends she had. She was surrounded by nature and there was no war, no misery._

_The sky had darkened; gloomy clouds floated above her. The cow, whose shadow Mono was borrowing, made an irritated sound and Mono looked up. Tiny drops fell from the sky on her head and dress and the clouds could not mean anything but a shower. Hastily she jumped to her feet and, along with the cows trudging to the shelter, she walked home. As the rain became soon worse and was joined by thunder rumbling in the distance, she started to run. The ground already was so wet that mud splashed all over her legs and dress. At the other side of the pasture she could see a figure running through the rain, followed by Agro's large silhouette. Wander too was soaked, but even from here she could see him enjoying it. The walk with Agro had probably been wonderful again and of course he could not wait experiencing such a storm on her back, at full speed._

_When she finally reached home after what felt like an hour's run, she took a moment to wipe the wet strands of hair out of her eyes. Shivering she took her mother's coat that hung next to the door and covered her dress that clung to her body. Before she opened the door, she looked over her shoulder and froze._

_Leaning on the fence of the pasture, the boy was staring at her. When she looked too, he raised his hand and waved at her. Bewildered she waved back, not without thinking that he must be mad staying outside in the upcoming storm, before going inside._

* * *

><p>It had become much darker, but the baby still cried. Being filled with memories of that unique boy, however, Mono did not care. She smiled in the dark, while a single tear dripped onto the leaves. Memories of the life she could never return to.<p> 


	4. Chapter 3: Promise Me

**Chapter three  
>Promise Me<br>**

* * *

><p>In the morning Mono was not surprised to hear the baby cry. She kept lying on the ground for a while, wondering how the child could still have breath left.<p>

In the forest itself everything was silent. Small bits of sky were visible through the trees' tops, but there was very little light. The light that did reach the forest floor was scattered all over the place, creating strange bulbs of light everywhere. The silence was eerie. No birds were chattering; no lizards moving around on the ground. Any creature that would have chosen the forest as their home, had probably fled from the wailing intruder anyway. How strange that a little kid could have caused an entire ecosystem to change. Not that the forest had been crowded in the days that Agro and Wander roamed it.

"You hungry?" Mono greeted the baby. His appearance scared her a little bit. He was even paler and his veins had become like blood red scars crossing all over his body. And he was so skinny that she could see his tiny ribs and hips sticking out like sticks. "Oh, you poor little thing." Her voice was trembling of fear she tried to hide. The child looked so ... so not of this world that she was actually frightened by it.

With a little less hesitation than yesterday she lowered her dress and encouraged the child to suck. Struck by a flash of sudden fear she saw no change. The child kept crying.

"Come on, then, you don't need to cry anymore," she said to him, but it did not reach him. She pushed him closer, even so that her skin touched his little mouth. It did nothing. The child cried and screamed and kicked with his scrawny legs.

It's me, Mono realized. In horror she laid the child down and did a few steps backwards. This is all my fault. I am doing something wrong but I am too blind to see exactly what. Or... am I still cursed? She looked at her hands, her exposed breast. Was she cursed – inferior, unsuitable to nurture a child?

Pacing around, she kept looking back at the child, who lay there with his beastly appearance and horns – this was wrong. _Something_ was wrong, but she simply could not decide what was causing it. Was it she? Was it this land? Was it the baby…? Or was Dormin doing something behind the scenes?

She started to breathe heavier. One last look at the baby's crying body, made her collapse inside. "Please!" she cried at the sky. "Tell me what I am doing wrong! Please!" Tears ran over her body, which began to shake tremendously. "Speak to me! Help me save this child! He is dying!"

The only answer she got was the crying that had haunted her for days and she broke. She felt her stomach break inside. Stumbling she turned around and walked away from the little devil. Tears were now flowing easily as a waterfall from her eyes and her environments were hidden from her by a cloud of what seemed to be fog.

"Little child," she whispered. "Why are you dying? You have gotten the chance to live and now you're dying and there's nothing I can do. For once someone's dependant of me, instead of the other way around, but I can do nothing to save you... I have brought nothing but pain and suffering and death and I can't even take care of you ... and ... in return... he's saved my life!"

It all became too much. Too much to bear. She just sank down on the foliage and covered her face, while the rays of the rising sun caressed her back.

* * *

><p><em>The room was very dark. She could only just see the silhouette of him lying on the bed. His chest rose on the rhythm of his breath. <em>

_"Wander?"_

_It took her a few calls, but then he opened his eyes – two glistening spots in the darkness. "Mum?"_

_She giggled. "Close, but no. Gee, you're bright in the dark."_

_"Uh?" He blinked, then smiled. She could see the flashes of his teeth. "Mono! What are you doing here, silly?"_

_"Yesterday you said you wanted to see the sunrise, but never woke up early enough. Well, today I am your guide. Now get up before I have to force you."_

_"You're mad. Thank the Gods for that." A lot of movement was visible in the shadows and the next moment he was so close that their noses almost touched each other. "Eh, hi, there."_

_"Hi," she said bashfully. "Let's grab Agro and go."_

_"Oh no we don't," he said while climbing out of the window after her. "I won't wake her up in the middle of the night just because you're too lazy."_

_"I am not lazy!"_

_"Well, you'll have to walk if you ever want to lose that extra weight." He pricked her in the ribs; Mono shot away with a scream._

_"Don't! Don't!"_

_He did not stop; grinning he kept tickling her until they fell out of the window and landed in the grass. "This is how Agro feels when you spur her on!"_

_"Stop!" Mono yelled, trying to avoid his hands. Finally she was out of his reach; she got up again and looked at him, panting and with red cheeks._

_"So, are you gonna walk or what?" Wander grinned._

_Mono put on her cute smile. "But it's my birthday," she said, batting her eyelashes._

_"_Tomorrow_ it's your birthday," he corrected._

_"It's past midnight, smarty pants."_

_As if to check that statement he looked to the moon, which was completely hidden behind the clouds. "How do you know?"_

_"I've counted the minutes. Now, let's go." He nodded; then he grabbed her hand. Mono froze for a split second, but then folded her fingers onto his and they ran into the night. It was a truly ravishing night; the moon was only half present, but it made the night darker and spookier and Mono enjoyed every gulp of cold air that entered her body._

_"Hang on," Wander said and he let go of her hand. Mono turned around. "Isn't sunrise still hours away?"_

_"Yes," she replied, surprised that he had not noticed until now. "What's wrong? Don't feel like a midnight walk after all?"_

_He grinned. "Yes," he said. "I would very much like to do so, Mono."_

_They continued their way out of the village, until they reached the beginning of the forest. Mono led her friend to the top of a hill overlooking the village. There they sat down. The view was stunning. Every house was marked by a flame torch in front of the door, which created a breathtaking spectacle of darkness and fire._

_She looked to her side and saw to her surprise and annoyance that Wander did not seem to look at the view. He was acting a bit strange, she thought. "Is something wrong?"_

_Luckily, no matter how much Wander was acting strange, he would always keep his honestly and to-the-face-attitude. "Well, yeah, tomorrow – pardon me, today – you'll be sixteen."_

_"Yes," she breathed. "Strange feeling. I assume you're referring to the marrying thing?"_

_"Yeah. I wonder... Whom would you like to marry?"_

_A small smile played around her lips. The moon had finally popped around the cloud and let the village bade in a silvery light. "To be honest, I have no idea."_

_"Your mother seems to have some ideas."_

_"She's got so many ideas."_

_Wander's voice trembled a bit as he continued: "I think she'd love to see you with Brenn."_

_Mono smiled weakly and fiddled the little flowers. "Brenn? Well yeah, he's my age, handsome, smart, strong, the noblest ancestry you can possibly have in this little village..." She sighed. "Perfect."_

_"You don't think he's perfect?"_

_"I do, I do. But you know, perfect's boring." She shrugged._

_"Surely he's not perfect," Wander said. "Personally, I think he's a bit quiet. He doesn't say too much. You are so much fun – I think you'd be bored with him."_

_She tucked her hair behind her ear. It took her a few moments to pull herself together and to smile at him. "Perhaps, but that's not the point of marrying, is it? The one I marry should protect me and to be honest, I think Brenn would be capable of that."_

_"Yeah, he's very protective, I think." He smiled, but then bent his head and seemed to be examining the tiny flowers hidden amongst the grass. Mono looked at him. She looked at his slender arms clad in shabby cloths, his long auburn hair that covered about half his face, yet his bright eyes were clearly visible. His eyes filled with so much emotion and still she did not always know what he was thinking._

_"Wander, do you care for me?"_

_Why she had asked it, she did not know. His head shot up. The skin that was not hidden by his hair, acquired the exact same color. "Of course I do. Haven't I proven that to you?"_

_"Of course. I just feel frustrated. Everyone seems to think that boys and girls cannot be friends. They're either very apart or in love. Why can't it be different?"_

_Wander stared at the stars for a moment, seemingly thinking about it for a while. Then he took her hand and looked her deep in the eyes, which made her smile again. "We know it can. That's enough, isn't it?"_

_"Yes it is," she said. He put his arm around her shoulder. Feeling so safe in his arms, she laid her head to rest against his chest. Together they sat there for hours, waiting for the sunrise to come._**_  
><em>**

* * *

><p>Mono bit her lip as her face became wet with tears. Sighing she sat down underneath a tree, leaning against the rough surface. She would give anything for Wander to be here. He had spent so much time in these forsaken lands, travelling from one doomed city to another, killing those creatures and taking orders from a devil. Perhaps he had an idea about the baby.<p>

Absentmindedly she stroked the wailing baby's soft hair. His skin was so cold that it made her shudder, but she did not want to be afraid of this child. Not anymore, for she was thinking. Thinking about the origins of this child. She had found him right after she had awakened. She had looked around, partly blinded by the sunlight that had peeked through the ceiling and the openings behind her. Her long dress danced around her clumsily moving body while she tried to keep her balance. With a small jump she landed on the floor, then looked around. She saw the Shrine, impressive and glooming as she had felt its presence when being unconscious, but now she saw it in full color. She had to admit: Wander had done it no good. The statues that had struck her even when being dead, were now destroyed and lay crumbled at her feet.

Sounds reached her ears in an irregular process. She heard the wind beating against the ancient structure, birds fluttering outside, another wind seemingly blowing inside the Shrine and ... footsteps.

She had turned around and saw Agro, beaten and exhausted. White foam was stuck to the mare's lips. Immediately Mono pressed her hands against her mouth and cried out, "Agro!" after which she hugged the mare. While doing so, she felt Agro sigh – warm breath embraced her – before leaning too much on Mono. She had to let go and watch Agro regain her footing. After that she shook her manes and continued to limp to the back of the Shrine. Mono motionlessly watched her. She knew what would happen. She saw the damage and recognized it.

A broken leg.

While she realized it, the mare collapsed in front of her eyes. "Agro!" she yelled and she ran towards her. The horse whinnied and struggled to get up again, but she could not. She was exhausted and severely injured. Mono just sat down besides her and cried her heart out.

It was not until then Mono heard the sound she had recognized as wind before. The sound had continued, but had taken another form. Hesitant to leave the mare, but eager to know what the sound caused, Mono stood up and walked towards the pond at the back of the Shrine, where Agro had attempted to limp to before she had to succumb to her wounds.

And there she had found the baby.

She had never really questioned where he had come from. She had seen so much in the past few days that she was just relieved to see life here. She only knew that somehow she felt the child was of a good nature. He was so helpless, but seemed to calm down once she had taken him in her arms and had whispered to him. For a single moment he had opened his eyes to look at her. His eyes were so beautiful. She wished she could see them again, but as soon as the baby had started crying he had shut his eyes and never opened them again. His eyes had seemed familiar to her. They were of a grayish blue color; really the kind of blue that would fit an early morning at the start of winter. Not so striking as the sky; more like ... when it had just rained and fog had conquered the world.

Perhaps she had thought it all along – at the moment she was heavily trying not to. The very idea that she might have been right was devastating. And surely it did not make any sense. Yes, he had done terrible things – even she had to admit. But he had done it for love. The gods would have understood. Yes, Lord Emon had wanted him to pay for it, but _he_ had not the power to do so. He could do no more than begging the gods to punish him. They hadn't. They _couldn't_ have.

Yet, this tiny baby seemed to be strange from the very moment she had picked him up. For some reason he had appeared at the bottom of the pond where both Dormin and Wander had just been sucked into. To their deaths, presumably.

It just did not seem to make any sense for him to return. Dormin, perhaps, as he was a powerful god that had just been resurrected, but how could Wander have conquered death? It must have been the gods' work, but why? Why would they let a helpless baby into this world? In what way would this be a punishment? The longer she thought about it, the less sense it made.

Unless, she thought, wringing her hands, the baby wasn't meant to live. Perhaps this all wasn't to punish the child, but to punish _her_. After all, according to Lord Emon – and thus, the gods – she had a cursed fate. Nobody had ever told her what exactly it was and she could only guess, but first being killed, then having to see her best friend, who was trying to save her, die in front of her eyes, followed by his horse that really had done no harm whatsoever, and then having an innocent, motherless child die without being able to do _anything _to save him… Seemed a pretty effective punishment to her. And if her suspicion was right, it would punish not one, but two persons.

But then... She cautiously looked down, continuing stroking the boy's head. He was heavily kicking in the air, almost suffocating in his own tears. He did not even seem to realize he had been accompanied by a girl for days.

It's that moment, she realized. Every person has to make the decision once in their life, but now I have to make it twice within a few days. Too cruel.

But as she thought this, she immediately made to herself the promise that she would not let this happen. It did not matter whether or not this was Wander – at least, it did not affect the simple fact that she had to save him. This child, no matter what it took her to accomplish it, would never die. He would survive. She made the promise to herself, to Agro, to Wander, wherever he was, to the helpless, crying child without family... She promised them all that his child would survive and grow up to be the brave knight Wander had always wished to become.

She smiled when thinking back. The Wander she pictured was a young, eleven-year-old boy who had just gotten his horse. Even though Agro was just a foal, he already had fantasies about him and his noble steed. The thought that it would never happen or that she would not be able to see it, had never appeared in Mono's mind. She and Wander were a team, a match made by the gods themselves. From a very young age she had felt so connected to him. They understood each other. Her Wander. His Mono. The match made by the gods themselves was torn apart, never to be reconnected, but at least this child would survive, regardless of what sins another person might have committed. She would make sure that he survived. For Wander, for Agro – for any hero or heroine who had given their life for the ones they love.


	5. Chapter 4: Out of this World?

**Chapter four  
>Out of this World?<br>**

* * *

><p><em>"Would you like to go to the forest with me?"<em>

_His serious voice surprised her. Mono looked up from the piglet she had been trying to wash. The naughty little thing had been rolling in the mud. "I am sorry, but I need to finish this," she said._

_He looked down to the piglet. "I will help you, if you'd like me to."_

_She frowned. Him, helping her? Everything, from his grown-up boots to the clothes he wore because he was the shaman's son, told her he never wanted to even touch a piglet. But his expression told her otherwise; his eyes were soft and kind. His smile was cute. She laughed at him. "That's very nice of you. I would appreciate some help."_

_Later he did take her to the forest. She had been there before many times, but on her own, and being with a boy she only knew from a distance was a bit strange. Her mother would have loved it. Mono would not be allowed to marry until she was at least sixteen years old, but already her mother was inspecting the male youth in the village for the "right husband for her little lady". Secretly Mono laughed at her mother's silly efforts._

_"The forest is full of beautiful things," he spoke. "I especially like deer."_

_"I love them, too," she admitted. "They're so delicate, yet very strong. They're just interesting."_

_"I like their calmness. Or rather: lack of. They can stare you right in the eyes for several minutes and not move a single muscle, but when an eagle flies over their heads – poof, they're gone."_

_She grinned._

_"You are very much alike." _

_His comment shot her in the stomach as if he had hit her with a stick. "Excuse me? Am I like a deer?"_

_"You have brown hair and brown, calm eyes," he pointed out. With a single finger he stroked her cheeks, which gave her goose bumps. "You're slender and swift and you love to be in the forest. Plus, you're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen."_

_She gazed to him for a while. Those things... No one had ever said anything like that to her before and this boy she did not even know that well. She wondered whether she should run. Strangely he seemed very serious about his words. He did not seem to know he had made her feel uncomfortable. "Thank you," she muttered, looking at the foliage under her feet._

_"Don't thank me. Thank the gods for being so generous."_

_Another strange comment. Having rather done something completely different, she smiled to him. "You never know what they have in storage for me," she said._

_"Probably something wonderful."_

_Now he could not be serious anymore, she thought, but he did not smile nor avert his eyes. He just looked at her. Her hands started to shake; she could not concentrate if he stared like that. "Uh… could you please…" she mumbled. _

_"I assure you I can do anything, as long as you tell me what you need me to do."_

_"Well, I must ask you to either go away or help me," she replied. "I am terribly sorry, but you're making me nervous with your staring."_

_"I am making you nervous?" His eyebrows raised, but a smile curled his lips._

_Oh great, now she was blushing too. She looked the other way. "Most people feel uncomfortable when someone is staring at them, Brenn," she said as casually as possible._

_"I am sorry. I'll help you." He bent forward to grab the piglet that had managed to stick its nose in the mud. As soon as he touched the little animal, it started to squeal and struggle, so that splashes of mud were thrown in his face. _

_Mono giggled; for a few moments Brenn's mouth was a straight line, but then he vaguely grinned too. "Just wait until he throws mud on _you_," he jokingly said to her. He grabbed a brush and started rubbing the piglet's back, while Mono held the head. Two frightened eyes were peering into hers. _

_"Calm down, honey," whispered she to the piglet. "You'll be all right." The piglet did not seem to listen; he wriggled its body in all kinds of ways, making the brush hit Mono's hands several times. By the time the piglet had regained its pink color, her hands were red and scarred._

_"There, it's done already," he said. "That wasn't so hard, was it?"_

_"I assume you're talking to the piglet?"_

_He grinned. "I suppose, yes. Although it must be hard for you, too. I normally don't do this, so I am not really sure… but you have to do this almost every day, don't you?"_

_"Yes, but it's not so bad, you know. You get used to it and I like the animals." Mono felt she was blushing as he looked at her._

_"You're fourteen now, are you?"_

_"Yes I am. Why?"_

_"Oh, you seem much older. You're very mature, I mean." Next to this already adult boy, Mono felt not mature at all. Especially when this boy in particular was of such a high status. She supposed it had to be a compliment, but she felt uncomfortable._

_"Well, if you ever need help again, you can ask me. Or your friend, of course." He got up and walked away; she could not help listening to the sound of his footsteps fading. When they had almost disappeared, she turned around. She could just see him enter his house. The sunlight was reflected on the sword he was always carrying; feeling a bit strange she turned around again. In the meantime the piglet had managed to dive into the mud again._

* * *

><p>When Mono woke up it was still dark. Her muscles were so cold that if she had not managed to stand up, she would have thought that her limbs were frozen off. Unless she had slept for several months, this temperature was way too low for early spring.<p>

She looked up to the sky, which was pitch-black – no moon, only twinkling stars dotted in the open space between the grizzly clouds. She had to go back to the child. He must be scared and cold; he needed her. She got up, but had trouble finding her way. It was so dark that she could not even see her toes. She did a few steps – and ran into a tree. Pressing a hand against her sore forehead, she realized something that made her freeze even more.

There was no crying.

No crying!

Mono started walking again, now in a different direction. Desperately she tried to remember what she had done the other night, but no matter how hard she tried, she could not remember anything but just having walked somewhere... She sped up, stretching her hands to find anything approaching her.

A tree. Go the other way. Another tree. Even when her nose almost touched a tree, she could see no difference between it and the sky. It was getting darker still. Her feet seemed to float over the foliage. A sharp groan came out of her mouth as she tried to speak. Without a warning of any kind she hit another tree, now hurting her hands. She was now shaking all over her body. When touching her own arm, she felt goose bumps.

And then – a shot of relief.

A soft, almost hesitant wailing sounded a few meters away from her and immediately faded away again. Quickly she turned around and ran towards where it came from. After almost hitting another three trees, she bumped into the cold stone wall of the little shrine. The wailing now sounded very close to her and after a few more minutes of searching, her fingers hit a softer surface, albeit just as cold.

"Baby!" she cried. For a single moment she was completely silent, then she picked up the cold baby. An ice-cold freeze seemed to make its way through her veins, but she responded to it by holding the baby even closer to her body. Warm tears streamed over her cheeks, dripping on the frozen child.

He's dying, she thought, feeling as if she was fading away herself. I can feel the life dripping away from him; it's slipping through my fingers, right as I hold him.

No, this won't happen!

As if she had received a slap in the face, Mono seemed to wake up. She took the child within the protective walls of the little shrine so that the cold wind could not reach him and covered his body with her dress. Then she pressed her warm cheek against the cold baby's, hoping… begging… that her tears would warm him. Softly sobbing she let her fingers run over his ice cold face. Almost automatically she started to sing. It was a song she remembered from the village. Her mother had always sung it to her when she was little, but when Mono reached the age of eleven, her mother refused to sing it, because it was only for little kids. Mono had not liked it, for the song calmed her down – from the moment her mother had not sung the song anymore, Mono had stopped being a child. She would never be young again until the day she died. When that day was near, her mother came to her room. Hours and hours she had held her, singing the exact same song. Mono had closed her eyes and printed every word in her soul. Now these words were so easily formed by her own voice. She sang about the hills and dales and beauty of life, until she imagined being young and vulnerable in her mother's arms.

Ever after hours, the baby did not get any warmer, nor did she hear another sound from him. As she sung, the amount of tears increased and eventually they drowned her voice. Sobbing she stroked the little boy's head. The horns stuck out, but she stroked them all the same.

"Don't die, my child," she whispered tearily. "Stay with me." She made the promise; it could not be possible she had to give up only hours after she had made it!

But as she stroked the child's cheeks, the coldness told her it was impossible for the child to still be alive. Not bothering to wipe away her tears she bent forward and laid her ear on the child's tiny chest, expecting to hear nothing but emptiness and loneliness. However, as soon as her finger touched the ice-cold skin of his neck... a weak pulse was felt. Mono shot up, her heart razing in a strange mixture of fear and relief. This little creature... so cold and famished that he must have died, was still alive. There was no way… It couldn't be.

Panting in excitement she held her hand close to the baby's mouth – but felt nothing. No warm breath, not even a cold one. Frowning she laid her hand on the child's chest. She could feel his ribs, all of them, but no movement. Yet when she laid her finger in the child's neck again, she felt blood pump.

A strange chill went over her body as she took her distance from the child. He was dead… yet alive? Unsure about what she had to do, she walked back.

It means he's got a chance.

No, it means he's a devil, a cursed being.

He's just a child…

A child that has emerged from the graves of other beings.

Stop it.

She pressed her hands against her temples. The dead – dead? Blood doesn't lie! His heart's still beating! – child's body lay at her feet, eerily silent and his eyes closed. Her own skin was covered in goose bumps; her toenails were dirty and blue.

What to do?

What _is_ there to do?

She bent down; crawled towards the baby. The fact, the simple fact that there was blood running in his veins, meant that he was still alive. It meant it was not over yet. She still had to fight.

She took him in her dress again, covered him from head to toe and laid her arms around him. After that she left him to get some food for herself; on the way there she passed a little pond in which she could see herself; a fragile, frightened girl, barely adult, taking care of a child that was on the brink of death…

"I'm mad," she whispered. In the utter silence that surrounded her, she looked at the baby's silhouette. Was she imagining things, or was he moving? Beaming weakly, she turned to herself again.

"Thank the gods for that."


	6. Chapter 5: Back from the Dead

**Chapter five  
>Back from the Dead<br>**

* * *

><p>Closely watched by the sun peeking over the clouds and silent as though <em>she<em> was the one dying, Mono sat bent next to the body in the grass. Hearing nothing but her own breath she had laid a finger in the blue neck and a hand on his chest. She felt nothing but an intense cold.

Now it's true, she realized. Sitting upright, she stared at the body. His closed eyes lay deep in the skull; his skin was so pale that it seemed to glow and she could almost feel its coldness. She had stayed with him all night, trying to keep him warm, practically forcing water into his mouth, but nothing had helped. The child had stayed seemingly dead for hours on hours, until Mono's final hold that the baby was alive, had disappeared as well.

I let a child die, she thought shakily. He was within my care and I let him die.

Tears streamed over her cheeks as she pressed her face against the grass, not wanting to be awake and listen to the lack of crying and breath. Next to her lay a dead child's body and it was all her fault. Perhaps Wander had gotten another shot at life again, but she had ruined it. Now he would be dead forever.

Hurt and missing was aching all through her body. She held the still ice cold baby hand close to her, sobbing all over it. Wander dead, Agro dead, her family far away… There was nothing left to live for.

_There's nothing left to live for._

Several times the sentence echoed through her head, until finally she got up. Shivering from head to toe, she walked slowly to the upcoming sun. A strong wind slapped long locks of hair in her face that immediately stuck to her wet cheeks.

The sun shined upon her as she left the dark shadows of the forest. It was such a beautiful day. Finally the clouds had left and showed a crystal clear sky.

"I am sorry, Wander," she whispered to the wind that hugged her. "I failed you yet again." For a moment she closed her eyes, then she took a step forward.

"Mono..."

Her foot still hanging in mid-air, Mono froze. The voice that had called her did not sound anything like ... _anyone_ she had known. Yet it sounded familiar. Horribly familiar. A voice from the dead. She had heard it before and by the gods had she wished never to hear it again. Trembling all over her body she turned around. Bluntly she stared at the one who had called. Moments passed in silence as the sun rose behind the silhouette. It was a dark shadow, breathing croakily. Drops of whatever dark colored liquid dripped on the grass, sizzling and smoking.

Then the sun rose higher and changed the angle of light, thus revealing the figure's identity. Mono felt her heart skip a beat – she screamed.

The pure white face of the baby glittered in the sun. His lips were blue as the sky, his eyes black as the night, his hair gray as Agro's coat. Veins all over his body seemed to have swollen and carved striking scars over his body. His horns seemed to have grown; they were dark blue now. The baby stood upright and stretched his arms out to her. Suddenly Mono realized his black 'eyes' were in fact his eyelids; he had just opened his eyes and showed her that they were of pure white color.

"Mono..." the baby wailed while walking towards her with a dizzy pace and with his eyes rolling in his skull. Mono opened her mouth again to scream but a paralyzing fear had taken control over her. Motionless she stared; the baby did a few steps for collapsing. "Mono," he croaked once again, spitting blood all over her clothes. She was forced to bend to him when he grabbed her dress – he was surprisingly heavy.

Shivering she said "Easy..." while lowering her hands to pick him up. He stayed calm until she held him in her arms – then he let out a cry that sunk deep into her body. Mono immediately let go of him to cover her ears, but the next moment she felt two tiny hands reaching for her throat.

"No!" she yelled, mowing her arms; within seconds she felt her nails carve the delicate skin, followed by the baby's screams. "Get away from me!" Together they fell to the ground. Tiny hands attempted to grab her anywhere they could; Mono kicked and slapped the swiftly moving and drooling body away from her. When pressure was removed from her stomach, she rolled over and ran. She just ran. Ran away from the baby screaming and pressing tiny hands to his wounds and bleeding eyes.

Get away from it, it shot through her head. Just get away. Don't look around. No Wander. No baby. A monster!

* * *

><p><em>An arrow. It hit him in the leg. She expected him to scream, to let out the most horrifying sound she had ever heard, but hearing nothing but a groan was even worse.<em>

* * *

><p>No, stay here... This isn't a child. It's the devil! It wasn't an innocent infant – it was Dormin reborn! He's after me!<p>

* * *

><p><em>He reached out for his leg as he fell. His face pulled together in agony, he looked up to see the sword dangling above his chest. A last stubborn expression overpowered the pained face. And then the merciless stab in his heart. If Mono had been able to, she would have averted her eyes and covered herself in a corner to cry her eyes out. It hurt her so much to see this brave young man being ruthlessly killed.<em>

_But he had recovered. No, it was more than that – he had not even been hurt in the slightest. He just got up again, with this strange look. He was not Wander anymore, yet he desired to go to her. She wished to hold him and believed he wanted to embrace her, too. She could have sworn he had opened his mouth to speak to her, but the words she would have given anything to hear, never came, because just then Wander had died. She had seen it happen; the light in his eyes had faded away as they were conquered by Dormin's soul._

* * *

><p>Panting Mono ran wherever she could go, crying and with raging thoughts. They swirled all through her mind; they were impossible to control. Her gaze was blurry – where was she going? Go anywhere he cannot reach you – but he isn't going after me – you don't know! – but it's Wander – no he's not...<p>

"Oh gods," she managed to produce. "Help me..."

* * *

><p><em>As Wander was being sucked into the vortex, she felt the life pulling her back. While watching the desperation in his eyes she had to fight against life. Everything became dizzy and the world seemed to wash away, but she knew that she would return. However, by then it would be too late.<em>

_In the seconds before destruction Wander had stretched his arm out to her. "Mono," she read in his lips before she completely lost sight. The next moment she had awakened and Wander was nowhere to be seen._

* * *

><p>Stones! Solid ground!<p>

Mono did not think anymore. Her feet slipped on the unusually flat surface of the Shrine when she ran up the stairs. Automatically she reached for the altar, where she let herself slide down to the ground. The images of Wander getting killed and sucked into the vortex were haunting her. And then the baby... She shuddered and turned to the still open ceiling where sunlight came through.

"Dormin," she whispered. "Gods... anyone. There must be gods roaming this place... Please, help me!" Having listened at her voice fading away, she bent her head. There were no gods. This cursed place was abandoned by all that was good and holy. Only she was here, with this cursed baby... There was no chance of getting any help. She was all alone. Nobody would help her...

"Wander," she sobbed. "Wander, I failed you. I failed everything. I did not understand. I still don't. Who or what is this baby and _is_ it my job to take care of him? Is he a victim of this terrible curse or is he the curse himself? Please, if you're there... If your spirit still wanders around... Please, speak to me. I need you. I've always needed you. You were there for me until the day I died... please be with me now." She took a deep breath. "Do all that's necessary... to save the child – to save yourself. I understand if the gods want to punish you – I mean, I don't say I agree, but... Please, gods... it's just a baby. Why did you let the child live if you were planning on destroying him so cruelly? You want to punish him or me? If it's both of us, then you're doing a great job, but please..." The words were drowned in the tears. "Please... just let him live," she tried to say, but it was hopeless. She was a pathetic being. Bent together in the smallest position she was capable of, Mono sat in front of the altar. The sun started its descend, so that it became colder. Mono rubbed her arms; her breath formed small clouds in the air. Somewhere outside she could hear his screams, carried by the wind… desperate.

* * *

><p><em>She was walking home as if someone was guiding her. Without looking at her surroundings she simply found the way home. The little house greeted her in a way that almost made her believe nothing was going on. Inside were her parents sitting on the couch, holding each other's hands. They did not look up until Mono had entered and already closed the door.<em>

_Both of them looked at their daughter. Mono clenched her teeth trying to hold an expression of indifference and so-be-it, but the tears in her parents' eyes made her tear up too. Covering her face she felt two warm arms around her body and soothing words were whispered in her ear._

_"Sweetie..." her mother breathed; more she could not say. Mono's father only cried and stroked her hair. The three of them knew any more words would destroy the whole moment. Mono pressed her face against her mother's shoulder. The last thing she wanted was hearing her parents say "We are sorry" or "It's not fair", because of course she already knew that. _

_It _was_ unfair. The world had gone crazy. Her perfectly balanced life was soon to be gone. She would disappear without a trace and never see her loved ones again. Vanish... without a trace. Soon to be forgotten. Or only mentioned in books. "This is the girl that saved a small village from a horrible fate. What fate you ask? We don't know, since she saved us from it"._

_"My sweet beautiful girl..." Mono's mother dared to interrupt this scene. Mono opened her mouth to say something but was overwhelmed by emotions. Shakily she let go, gave them both a look that wasn't sure about its own identity and left._

* * *

><p>Sitting on the altar she knew so well, Mono's irregular breath started to calm down now. She took a deep and shaky gulp of air and sat up again. Her surroundings had not changed; they still were empty, eerie and horribly familiar. With a feeling as if an arrow had hit her in the guts, she saw a dark spot right in the middle of the Shrine, under the spotlight. Ashes. The wind had blown them a little further from the original place, but they were still here.<p>

A tear dripped on her sleeve as she rubbed it against her nose. She lowered her hand and placed it on the cold surface. She knew every bump, every crack in the material here. She had been lying on it for weeks, dead yet alive, unconscious yet experiencing every single thing Wander had gone through. From the very start she had known Wander would succeed, as her soul had already returned from the moment he had placed her so gently on the altar. When she thought back, she felt so much love for her friend. Not until she had died had he shown his true colors. She should be grateful… No, that would not be enough. It was time to do something in return.

Mono jumped down the altar again and in a swift motion she sat down in the spotlight underneath the ceiling. Folding her hands, she closed her eyes.

"Oh great gods of this land I do not know," said she, "I have come without intention. The past year I have done anything in order to please you. When my tribe's shaman was informed that it would be justified to kill me, as I was intended to cause terrible things, I let myself be killed without protest. I know that these precautions did not succeed. It is because of a brave youth that I am here, alive, and though I know I must be grateful, I understand that you may be angry for not having your rules followed. You great forces of the world, you have ordered my death and I am still alive. However, this was never my intention and even though I know I am not in the position to be granted anything, I ask of you the mercy that is needed to protect this child. Perhaps someone in the near past has done something to make this punishment justified, but as it was an adult who committed the crime, it is my belief that punishing a child is not the right way. This is not him; he's got no memory of what has happened, no family and no protection. I beg of you: punish the ones you feel deserve it, but treasure the newborns. I will do anything – anything! – that is necessary to give this child the life he deserves. Please. I'll do anything. Thank you for listening."

She ended her plea with the opening of her eyes. It was the first time she had ever officially spoken to the gods without supervision and she prayed that she had done it right. If not so, the gods either would not even have listened, or would have become angry.

Mono pushed the image of the dead baby away. It was now in the god's hands, she thought. They control life and death. There may be hope, but I am not the one to give it.

Sighing she sat down and buried her face in the folds of her dress.


	7. Chapter 6: Rerebirth

**Chapter six  
>Rerebirth<strong>

* * *

><p>Mono had her eyes closed, listening to the silence and almost enjoying the chilling feeling that came over her. A strange, tickling feeling rushed through her veins. Slowly she turned her head. Above her was the ceiling. Even though it clearly was night now, she could see a light descending from the gap above her. The paradise, she thought with a faint smile. Perhaps Wander is watching over me. It must have been that all along – she had just felt his presence from above; perhaps the baby had nothing to do with him after all. It seemed to easy to think. This cursed baby… how could it be connected to him in any way?<p>

"This child was Dormin's soul, having just barely survived the terrible things that have happened inside this lands," she spoke out loud, if only to comfort herself. Nevertheless, she could hardly control her tears. She so dearly wanted to believe her friend had relived and she could save him, even if it felt weird picturing him as a baby. Now the hope was gone. She would rather stay inside the Shrine for good, even if it meant dying.

She took a long, shaky breath and then got up. A bit wagging from side to side, she managed to walk around the altar and went to the balcony. A midnight curtain was drawn over the sky. Mono looked up to the stars. The same tingling feeling filled her, but the thought of a baby body lying abandoned in the woods, haunted her.

It's not a baby, she corrected, it's a cursed monster. Once again I was proven to be unable to take care of it – why should it have changed now?

For a moment, she looked over her shoulder to the warm, candle-like light. A faint smile captured her lips; she sat down on the edge and closed her eyes.

* * *

><p><em>Mono saw his mindless expression and knew he was not prepared for what was coming. Opening her mouth, ready to scream out to him that he should open his eyes for once and think about what he had left, instead of what he had lost, she stared hopelessly to him riding on Agro's back. She herself seemed to float above him and she looked down on his muscular body ready for battle. High above him the sun was beating down on him, making tiny drops of sweat dripping down his forehead.<em>

_A few minutes later he was climbing a massive cliff, until he faced the troll-like monster with a giant club and small, dark eyes so many meters above him. Mono gasped for breath when Wander stood completely frozen for several long seconds, his eyes fixed on the monster that blinked a few times; he seemed to question whether this being was a threat or not. Eventually he apparently decided he was not, for he turned around slowly and walked to the other end of the mountains, leaving a trail of dust. Wander's eyes followed him, his hand reaching for his sword._

_"Wander," Mono whispered, even though she knew her words would never reach him. "Turn back."_

_He did not react at all; he just stared at the Colossus. Then without any sort of warning he took his bow and shot a single arrow at the beast. It all happened so quickly that Mono hardly knew whether it had actually happened. She did not even see if– or where – the arrow had hit the creature, but as skilled as Wander was in archery, it probably had._

_Indeed the Colossus had slowed down and begun his turn around. Before he succeeded in doing that, however, Wander took out another arrow and shot it mercilessly to the creature, now aiming higher. In horror Mono saw where the arrow landed this time. Blood gulped out of the black pits in the Colossus's head and the monster roared in pain as he let go of his massive club and reached for his eye._

_Meanwhile Wander had starting running. Swift as a mouse running away from a scary lady trying to flatten him with a stick, he reached the partly blinded Colossus's ankle and held onto the hair. Mono closed her eyes, waiting for the Colossus's howl once Wander had succeeded to stab him. She was not disappointed._

* * *

><p>Teary-eyed Mono woke up, the howling of the Colossus still echoing inside her mind. Big tears dripped onto the floor where she had spent the night, turning in cold sweat by the memories of each and every Colossus. Shakily she got up from the cold floor and listened to the sounds coming from the outside world.<p>

As though carried by the wind, the howling reached her ears. Was she still dreaming? Still lying awake over dead babies and Colossi? Or was it genuine ... was it still there... A shiver ran down her spine. The howling continued, even though the leftovers from the dream were fading away.

The mere thought that the cursed form of the baby had followed her to the Shrine made her skin crawl. Cautiously she made her way to the balcony again and looked down. Several feet underneath her she could see a soft pink spot in the grass, squealing and moving its limbs.

He's alive.

No, he died. I saw it. I felt it. I know it.

Mono closed her eyes, opened them again and rushed down. Her heart was beating inside her chest as the slightest bit of hope appeared. But she could not rejoice yet. First she must know... for certain...

Nearing the baby, she slowed down. The child was without a doubt the infant she had held for either a rebirth of Wander or an unexpected leftover from this tragedy. He had regained his healthy, pink color and outstanding vocal cords, yet she was more frightened by him than ever before.

Moments passed without Mono moving. She looked down to the baby that looked perfectly healthy again. Nothing had changed; nothing to guarantee her that anything was solved. This child was crying again. Reborn again. While she was thinking this, the tears started running again. It was like her eyes were overproducing. Silently sobbing she knelt down.

Suddenly the baby opened his eyes. Mono shot back. Without thinking she held her hands protectively in front of her, expecting to see the white-eyed devil lunging at her again. When nothing happened, however, she lowered her arms. Then she saw the baby's eyes were not white at all. They were that light, grayish blue color. It hit her like lightning. Numb founded she stared into the tiny lights, waiting for them to close again. When they did not, she slowly started to examine the delicate features of the baby's face, then the brown hairs on top of his head and eventually she got back to the glistening eyes that were so familiar to her...

"Wander..." She stretched out her hand to him and touched his skin. A huge splash of relief fell over her when her fingers met warmth. For what seemed like minutes she closed her eyes and enjoyed the feeling that just seemed to splash over her; huge splashes of a wonderful feeling. She picked him up, afraid to hurt him, but his eyes kept staring into hers with the kind of innocent curiosity she had come to know and love in her sister's eyes. Without thinking she cuddled him; warmth, soft sounds, breath… Everything was back…

No, not everything. She let her fingers run over the baby's hairs. No bumps. Nothing. His skull was smooth and his skin was soft…

After a moment's hesitation she grabbed her dress and let it fall from her shoulder once again. Feeling a bit more exposed than the first time she had tried it, she picked up the now quiet baby and brought him close to her body. Please, she begged inside, her closed eyes directed at the sky. Please...

And then... the baby started to drink.

Mono's gaze fell down to the infant. Strange feelings rushed through her body. But then, then it truly became overpowering. Her mind just went blank. He was drinking! was all she could think. He was! It was over. It was all over! He had a chance again... s_he_ had a chance again! She did not even care that perhaps right, at this very moment, she was doing the worst thing ever. The weirdest thing ever. She could not care, because she was alone. For the first time she was glad she was. If anyone saw this and thought what she thought, they would think of this as the most unholy sin that had ever been committed. Fortunately, she thought, smiling in happiness and relief when looking at the baby, I _am_ alone and nobody _does_ think anything. This is about me and this baby, who finally has reborn. Does it matter whether or not he is an incarnation of Wander? He won't ever be the same again, even if they are alike.

With that thought in mind, she could look at the baby with love again, because he was once again just a child without family. Carefully she pulled him back again and walked up the stairs to the inside of the Shrine. She laid the baby on the altar, turned towards the light and sunk down to her knee again.

"Oh almighty gods," whispered she, even though she would rather have thanked a person who was supposed to be there too, "I cannot thank you enough. It goes without saying that from now on I will put my soul into taking care of this child." She wanted to say more, but her voice trembled and there were no words anyway. She opened her mouth several times, thought for about a minute what words could express her emotion, but eventually decided to stick with: "Thank you so much."

She lowered her hands and wanted to get up again, but behind her she heard the baby produce a sound. A sound so very different from wailing and creepy words that she immediately kneeled down again.

"Wander," she whispered, forcing herself to believe he was looking down upon her from the sky, being at peace. "I don't know what to think, what to believe, but I'm not trying to understand. You're not here and I must accept it. Yet this baby is here. It is unfair to say he is you, because he won't ever grow up to be the exact same person as you were. But it doesn't matter…" She paused for a moment. Looking over her shoulder she saw that the baby had committed himself to the task of reaching his toes. Smiling she turned to the light again. "For," she mumbled, tearing up from pure delight, "a new life can begin."


	8. Chapter 7: New Dawn

**Chapter seven  
>New Dawn<strong>

* * *

><p>While the temperature was climbing, the little boy was crawling around, carefully watched by Mono. He was lively and healthy and she could not be happier about it. Proudly she followed his swift movements through the foliage. A bright smile was on his cute little face when she approached him from the front and lifted him.<p>

"Mummy," he exclaimed, waving his arms. Mono laughed and cuddled him. Then she released him again – he crawled on top speed to the water, so that Mono had to go after him again.

She could barely comprehend how much her life – his life, _their_ lives – had changed since that moment all those months ago. Just asking the gods – how hard could it be? Her mother had always told her to be extremely careful when it came to asking the gods for a favor, but it turned out to be nonsense. The gods had understood she did it all for this wonderful child.

"Aidan!" she yelled. "Come here!"

He was not yet obedient enough to do so, but she loved running after him, how silly it might feel. When she got him, she sat down on the forest floor for a moment and proudly looked at the boy's face.

The huge difference between then and now never failed to move her to tears. His skin was smooth and soft; his hair the reddish brown color she had come to cherish. And his voice – oh, his voice. Gone with the wailing – now he only said "mummy" and "coesa" (she was still trying to figure out what it meant) in the sweetest voice possible. She had finally managed to clad him in some clothes, although she already wished that if Aidan was older, he would never find out he had been wearing the sleeves of a woman's dress most of his life.

On the other hand there was no one to feel ashamed. Aidan would be spared from the harsh community.

"Mummy," said Aidan again, as he tried to release himself from her clutches. His soft hands touched her teary cheeks and she smiled through her tears. She would probably never understand how she had managed to love him so dearly so quickly. Just a few months ago he was a monster, torturing her and even trying to kill her, but now he was her son.

Yes, he was her son. He may have to grow up without a father, but she had decided that he would always have at least one parent. Perhaps later, when Aidan was older, she could pretend Wander was his father. It would not be the exact truth, but at least partly and she thought it would be better for him if he had an unknown father that had done so much and had shown so much bravery, than a non-existing father he knew nothing of.

Mono let herself lie down in the foliage. She felt Aidan rolling off her stomach and turned sideways to face him.

"Goin' somewhere?" she asked teasingly. Aidan squealed in joy and crawled the other way. Quickly Mono laid her hands around his waist, preventing him from going anywhere.

"Mummy!"

"You're such a strong lad," she said. "You're such a gorgeous little boy. You'll be king of the Forbidden Lands someday, mark my words."

Life in the Forbidden Lands had changed rapidly. Perhaps the lizards and birds had just become used to her presence, but they certainly no longer were longer afraid of her and even approached her, albeit still cautious. It seemed almost as if the lands themselves had become friendlier. Suddenly Mono had had no trouble finding food and water and even the weather had improved; it was neither too hot nor too cold and Mono could wander around all day carrying Aidan without sweating too much.

In the beginning she usually left Aidan behind in the little shrine to sleep, while she was trying to find food. When he began crawling, she had improvised and built a small cradle from grass and branches that had fallen off the trees or torn from little bushes, to keep him from taking off on his own. The moment was nearing that Aidan would be able to climb out the cradle, too, but until then he was safe.

Sometimes Mono would see deer in the forest; those moments she feared and yet looked forward to. The gentle creatures stared from the shadows, watching her as she examined bushes and shook trees to make the fruits drop. As soon as she turned around, the deer would jump and run away.

They reminded her of Agro, which hurt … but they also reminded her of him, which made her grow cold with fury.

At times Mono wondered whether Agro and Wander – especially Wander – could look down on her and feel proud. But even more so she wondered how her parents would feel. They thought she was dead – everyone thought she was dead. Everyone must think Wander was dead too, by now. How would his parents feel? Perhaps they would blame Lord Emon for this, although they could not. The only one to blame – in their opinion – was the gods and they were always right. Always. Even Dormin had always been right and honest. "Heed this – the price to pay may be heavy indeed" … oh, if only Wander had taken it seriously. But of course he hadn't. He was stubborn.

Mono shook her head; I shouldn't blame him, she thought, he only did what he thought was right. He had always done so.

Shakily she remembered the nightmares she had had long after Aidan had returned as a normal child; she dreamed about Wander's struggles, Agro's death and the devil's attack (she found it unfair to say Aidan had done that), but mostly about her own death. Until then the baby's wailing had kept her from even trying to sleep, but the silence had opened the gate for bad dreams.

Now she no longer lay awake at night; there were no more nightmares. Mono slept calm and gentle and if she did not, she looked at her Aidan in the moonlight and felt happy about how healthy he was. How his calm breath filled the air and how his tiny fists grabbed a leaf and did not let go. His presence drove away the fear and worries. He had become her life. Not a moment passed without her thinking about him.

The way he laughed reminded her of Wander. The way he giggled, the way he looked at her. She knew she was probably just imagining things, but she had known Wander since they both were little kids and this baby boy looked so much like him. Therefore it felt kind of strange caring for him like a mother, but she did not care. He needed her.

Nobody had ever needed her but Wander. Nobody ever cared, except Wander. As long as she worked day and night nobody looked at her. Well yeah, _he _tried to trick her into believing he cared too, but she soon knew better. When he was put to the test, _he_ hadn't done anything, _he _just agreed with everything his father said…

She clenched her fists. Until then she did not realize Aidan was looking at her. His lip was trembling and Mono immediately relaxed. "Mummy's not mad," said she, "no worries."

"Mummy," he babbled, still looking a tad scared.

Mono stroked his soft head. "I could never be mad at you," she continued. "Well, not until you're old enough. And I doubt even then I could. I could never be mad at Wander either. Let me rephrase that: hardly ever could I be mad at him. I was once. And I guess I am now, a bit. He was brave, but stupid. He brought me you and I am so grateful, but it was a foolish quest and he should have given up much earlier, for the sake of himself, Agro, his family… I was better off dead, I think."

She laughed at her own stupidity. Why was she discussing this with Aidan? Or rather, discussing this with nobody in Aidan's presence? He didn't understand, he shouldn't understand. On the other hand, who was there to talk to? The birds… the lizards? As if they cared.

Suddenly she felt a pressure on her lap; Aidan tried to climb on it and in the process he put his arms around her neck. She embraced him too, pressing him softly against her body. His blue eyes peered into hers; she was reminded. Reminded of Wander, but also of her. Her little sister, who was nearing her fifth birthday now and would probably never see her big sister; supposedly to be comforted by the story that at least big sis had not died in vain.

"Mummy," Aidan muttered again, a bit muffled. She released pressure again and blinked. I am an emotional wreck, she thought, half smiling. But at least I'm not alone.

* * *

><p><em>Mono was bored. It actually surprised her a bit. Usually she either had no time to be bored or was doing all kinds of things. Now Wander had gone for a ride with his father – to shoot innocent creatures, she thought a bit angrily – and her mother was busy with her little sister, while her father was somewhere she did not even know. Somewhere.<em>

_With a deep sigh she leaned over the fence, looking out over the grazing cows. It had got boring, too, she realized: looking at animals. For sixteen years they had done nothing else but grazing, eating and getting themselves dirty._

_Something at the edge of her vision caught her eye; Mono turned around and could just catch a glimpse of Brenn entering the stables. She hesitated for a split second, then left the fence. Upon entering the dark stables, she had to wait a few seconds before her eyes had got used to the darkness. _

"_Oh, hi, Brenn," she said cheerfully. Brenn, who was standing near his own horse, a kind of plump, cherry bay gelding, turned around. He was looking rather gloomy, but he quickly cheered up. _

"_Hi, Mono." He waited for a second, then added, "Where's Wander?"_

"_Oh, well, he's … he's gone for a ride with his father. I believe they are training for something or stuff. Eh… What are you doing?"_

"_I was doing nothing, as a matter of fact." He laughed. "That sounded a bit dull."_

_She shrugged, unable to hide a grin. "I guess. What do you think Wander is doing?"_

"_Well, as he's an adult now –" Never heard that before, Mono thought. "– I think his father's teaching him how to defend the village."_

"_He's actually quite skilled at arching. I've seen it myself. He can hit anything, no matter the distance. He's just … a natural talent, I guess."_

"_That sure is impressive," Brenn admitted. "I've seen him arching myself and I do believe nobody can beat him."_

"_Well, at least I can't. I have never even shot an arrow before, I think. Wander has promised me time on time again to teach me, but he's very busy now."_

"_I could teach you."_

_Her stomach made a little jump. "Really? Are you as good as an archer as you are a swordsman, then?"_

"_No, I am not, but I can teach you the basics. If you'd like to, of course."_

"_Of course I'd like to!" She smiled at him. "Are you doing something right now? Because I'm not either," she said when he shook his head. _

"_Well, I guess that's settled then. Shall we go to the forest? I think it's the safest place to practice. We don't want to hit anyone, of course."_

"_Okay… eh… Wherein the forest? Far away or …?" _

_He seemed to understand, because after he had equipped himself with a bow and arrows, he took his horse out of the stables and gestured to him. "Climb on. We can ride there."_

"_Sorry for the trouble," she mumbled as she climbed on top of the broad horse's back. "I would like to have my own horse so I don't have to use other's all the time. I wonder if the cows would mind if I –?"_

"_I don't think so, but it will be quite the job to get them to obey you," Brenn said, when sitting in front of her. "They're very stubborn."_

"_Tell me about it…" Mono almost laid her arms around his waist, just because she was so used about doing that with Wander, but she quickly pulled them back. A bit insecure she noticed where they were going. "Eh… could we go another way, please?"_

"_Why?"_

"_Well, Wander's probably nearby and I don't want to disturb him while he's practicing," she quickly said._

"_It's fine by me, but it's going to be a bumpy ride, so hold on tight."_

_She hesitated for a moment. She was so used to hanging with Wander that with him she was in no way insecure about anything, but she had no idea what Brenn would find okay. He was after all older than she was and much, much higher in rank. On the other hand, he did say "hold on tight" and what else would he mean?_

"_Ouch!"_

"_I told you it would be rough," Brenn laughed. "Are you hurt?"_

"_No," Mono said, straightening up again after she had bumped into Brenn's back. She laughed along with him, but an ashamed feeling also turned up. She made a compromise by just holding him in the side, hoping he was not ticklish, like Wander._


	9. Chapter 8: Hurricane

**Chapter eight  
>Hurricane<strong>

* * *

><p>When Mono had woken up, she turned to watch her little boy. He was sleeping and looked very much at ease. He had his thumb pressed lightly against his lips, as if he had fallen asleep while sucking it. She smiled as he brushed the grass out of his nose, apparently completely automatic since he was still sleeping. His hands were so small, yet it was like she could vision him when he had grown up: strong, bow-holding hands that stretched the bow and let the arrow soar to the sky to hit its target with an unmatched certainty.<p>

Her observance of him was interrupted by a darkening sky. Mono leapt to her feet so quickly she did not know she jumped up until she already had. Aidan opened his eyes. When a lighting bolt made its first, harrowing appearance, he started to cry. She immediately folded her arms around him, whispering soothing words. It had begun to rain; large drops fell on her back and she shielded Aidan from the rain.

Warnings that she had grown up with, prevented her from seeking shelter under the trees, but when the rain got worse, she knew they could not keep standing out in the open. Lighting struck again; the sky was lit and immediately after that a loud, grumbling sound followed. Aidan started to cry again.

It was as if the Forbidden Lands had foreseen this and already provided her with the needed information. Mono only needed to close her eyes to remember. She saw Wander, angry because Agro had trouble navigating through the thick forests. The poor mare was used to roads: narrow, sandy paths, but still reliable. Now she had nothing and Wander was in a hurry. He kept spurring her and kept changing direction, as every path seemed to lead them towards a dead end. One time Agro reared and almost threw Wander off, when the seemingly innocent path had decided to show its followers a huge cliff.

Mono remembered that eventually they had found a path. It also lead across a cliff, but it did not stop there. It lead to a cave. It was all she needed. All they needed.

Mono held her Aidan close to her as the thunder rolled high above her. The little boy struggled and yelped as the cave was a gloomy, damp place and Aidan had a cold already, but it was definitely an improvement over the rain that had turned into a storm during the minute Mono had spent remembering the maze that was the forest. She wrapped her dress around him and took him with her in the cave, where he stopped crying, but still shivered and sneezed every ten minutes.

Outside the thunder had reached its peak; Mono reckoned it had been a wise decision to leave the forest, as she already had heard the lightning strike very close by, but until now she had not realized just how close the thunder was. Trying to ignore the growing fear that the thunder would cause more than she could imagine, she thought about Wander and their moments together. She missed him enormously, even though it had been a long time since now. It was cruel – he had lied to her. Lied coldly into her face, but she could not be mad at him. Not at all. Even though … even though he had caused so much. Or had she been the one to cause so much? Or Lord Emon? Or the gods? Of course the gods… they cause everything.

Even missing Wander so much as she did, as well as her parents, baby sister and yes, also _him_, no matter how much she tried not to … even missing them all, she wished not to see them. She was dead to them and nobody but Wander had tried to prevent that. Her family was already dishonored, even though they thought she was dead, _he_ would probably be dishonored too (although in his case she did not care at all) and Wander… well, she simply did not know where to start. Would he appear in front of her right now, somehow having survived, she had to confess so many things. That Agro _had_ survived the fall, but had died nevertheless, that Mono had nursed a strange baby of who she had no idea where he had come from and … oh, there was so much left to talk about. So much to discuss. So much time they could have spent together, but could not, because of death and love and marriage.

The cold breeze made Mono shiver; she pressed Aidan's body against hers. His hair stuck drearily to his forehead and Mono wiped his nose clean. Of her entire body, her feet were coldest. She held them as close as possible to the rest of her body, but she could not prevent the cold wind from freezing them. She rubbed her toes to warm them up – doing that, she felt something weird. Examining her feet she noticed that they were entirely blue, except for some white spots on her heel. She planted her nails in the spots, but they did not hurt. She did not feel anything, as a matter of fact. Perhaps I'm allergic for some plants in the forest, she thought and she continued rubbing to warm her feet. Aidan's chin was trembling.

"Oh, don't worry, honey," said she and she imprinted a kiss on his cheek. "The rain will soon stop, I promise and then we can go home." She glanced at the rain and the dark clouds, hearing lightning strike again. "If home still exists."

* * *

><p>"… <em>just so amazing and I think I have hit several birds – one hawk! That was so cool! And I've seen the other village, you know, the one that's way back there and we're not allowed to come. Father told me it's not because they are mean, like our parents used to tell us, remember? It's because in the past there have been huge fights, mainly about religion, and the two villages decided to split up. They simply never rejoined and nobody wants to. And just on the other side of the forest there's an old altar – it used to be the place where sacrifices were made but after a particularly nasty bull decided he wouldn't surrender without a fight it was… Hey, sleepyhead!"<em>

_Wander burst out into laughter and Mono's head jerked up. "I _was_ listening," she said reprimandingly. "I was very touched indeed by your enthusiasm." Wander was still laughing and now Mono had started grinning too. "Well, at least we now know you're gonna be a top-notch chief."_

"_I don't know about the "top-notch" thing, but my doubts are completely gone. I think becoming a chief may turn out to be very different than I thought it would be. Anyway." He jumped up and now looked at Mono as if he expected a lecture from her. "What have you been doing all day?"_

"_Nothing special."_

"_No? I heard very interesting stories from certain people?"_

_She laughed at his mischievous smile. "If "certain people" include my mother – you do know that she considers me talking to a boy a sign that I'm going to marry him?"_

"_It was nothing like that," Wander protested. "And it wasn't your mother. Your _father_ told me you've been practicing arching."_

"_Oh yeah, that's true. Look, I am sorry – I know we were to do it together, but I just was so … so impatient, I guess."_

"_Nah, don't worry about it. We agreed I would teach you, that's true, but it's my fault I didn't, not yours. Now tell me, how did it go?"_

_When remembering the practice, Mono felt a smile curling her lips. "It was wonderful," she admitted. "It feels so … so _powerful_ to just shoot an arrow and hit something. Even if it's just a worthless piece of wood – just seeing the arrow hit something feels pretty amazing."_

"_So you didn't try hitting birds?"_

"_Don't look so disappointed," she jokingly scolded him. "If you really want me to practice on something that's alive, I know a boy that's perfect for the job."_

"_Speaking about boys," Wander said, after indifferently waving away Mono's teasing mime of aiming an arrow at him, "was Brenn a good teacher?"_

"_Well, he's not as good an archer as you are, but he's decent," she said. "I've learned a lot from him. Did you see us, then?"_

"_No, but everyone's seen you leave and come back. Now, I understand that you like him after all?"_

_Mono's smile faded away. "After all? You were the one to dislike him, not me. I've never thought much of him, but I never thought he was unfriendly or anything either."_

"_I mean, it's just a bit sudden that you're suddenly… friends with him."_

"_Well, yeah, things change." Shrugging she got up from the bed to close the window. Wander followed her; together they stood in front of the window, looking at the beautiful full moon. "He's nice," she softly said. "And a lot less quiet once you get to know him."_

"_Your mother will be most pleased about it," Wander said teasingly. _

_Mono giggled. "And she'll be _so_ disappointed if she finds out it's just a friendship. Just like she's been disappointed about us for like sixteen years." She put her arm around his shoulders. Wander hardly reacted; he kept staring about the moon._

_"Strange thing it is," he mumbled._

_"What? The moon?"_

_"That too, but I'm talking about adulthood. It's really just a number, but everything changes. Your parents believe a boy and a girl talking to each other must be in love and marrying soon, arching is suddenly meant to kill for either defense or food and horses are nothing more than a need to travel."_

"_You decide whether that's true or not," Mono reassured him. "You care for Agro, don't you? Well, then she's your friend. If you like arching without hurting anything, then you are free to do so. And if we're the best friends in the world even after we've turned sixteen, then our parents can squeal whatever they want – it won't change."_

"_But it is legit to ignore the changes?"_

"_Of course it is," Mono said, a bit irritably. "Do _you_ live your life, or tradition?"_

"_Well, changes can be intimidating." Wander sighed. Then finally he too laid his arms around her. "I'm so used to having you as my only friend and me being your only friend that it's kind of hard to depict you with someone else."_

_Mono looked at the face of her friend and knew he was struggling more than he was trying to show. "Hey," she whispered and she took his hand, "I'm feeling like that, too. It feels weird being with him, because I am so used to being with you. I'm afraid of change too, but sometimes you just gotta accept that there will be changes and see what positive they can bring."_

_Relieved she saw he had regained his smile. "Just what my mother told me when I didn't want to change … eh… _certain _habits as a child"._

_"What, acting like a freak? Don't worry – you haven't changed." Mono stuck out her tongue and then quickly ran away. Wander was much faster than she was and caught up with her in no time. Holding hands they ran into the garden, where cute little pumpkins had emerged from the soil. Not bothered by them, they dropped themselves on the ground. Still holding his hand, Mono sat upright again and smiled at him._

_Wander smiled back; guided by the soft light of the moon his face was very pale; she would believe he was incredibly tired and worried, if he had not smiled so broadly. "I think I can accept whatever changes will come," he said. "As long as I still have you as my pal."_

_Mono laid her head against his chest. "Couldn't agree more."_

_It was true, she thought happily. She felt completely at home in Wander's house, in Wander's arms. It was not the same with anyone else, including Brenn. No moment was like this one, not even the moment of them laughing together when she had barely missed him with a horribly aimed arrow. With Wander every moment was pure gold. Brenn was nice, he was … kind. He might even be special. But it was not the same._

_She closed her eyes, enjoying the warm feeling of the flames. Wander was right, she thought, feeling Wander's head on her shoulder. No matter what lay ahead – they would manage as long as they were together._

* * *

><p>"One day," Mono told her little boy, "I will teach you how to shoot an arrow. Of course, you won't need it, as you will become the best archer in the lands… I mean, in the world. You're gonna make your mummy proud, won't you?"<p>

Aidan squeaked and tried to grab Mono's hair. It hurt a little bit, but she smiled nevertheless. She gently freed him from her hair. Outside the rain seemed to have stopped, although there still was some thunder rumbling in the distance. She took Aidan in her arms and went out of the cave. Walking over the gaping cliff she smelled something funny. The sky above the forest was still very cloudy; or was it something else? When she got near the forest entrance, she decided not to go any further. A few sparkling flames were crawling over the ground, having escaped the rain and the forest was one big smoking mess. Aidan let out a shriek and pressed his face into Mono's dress.

"Calm down, sweetie," she mumbled, patting him on the back. "It cannot hurt you. You're safe." She felt as if she was lying to him, since she was shaking from head to toe.

Shivering she stared at the forest, trying not to think about all the poor animals that had died in that fire. It did not even come to her mind immediately that she had lost her home. The sky slowly colored black with smoke and a sickening feeling filled her stomach. Even the weather did not work along. Now she was blocked from the Shrine. Blocked from the place where both she and Aidan had reborn. Blocked from everything.

She gently kissed Aidan on top of his head. "Don't worry," she said, having taken a deep breath. "We'll … we'll just find another place we can stay."

She had always known some day she would have to find another home, as she had eaten nearly every piece of fruit nearby and having lived solely on fruits, she could not hope catching a lizard either, but this fire had been unexpected and she had chosen the exact wrong way. Behind her lay a huge desert. She had seen Wander crossing it with Agro and surviving (a certain other creature did not), but she had no horse and was carrying a baby who was much weaker than she was.

She softly groaned when realizing fully she was trapped between ashes and sand. Turning around was not even required. Even from here she could hear the wind blowing, taking everything with it. She had remembered Agro and Wander chasing a beautiful Colossus. It had been huge, but so delicate it did not even try to defend itself against Wander. Its only way of defending itself was fleeing, but Wander had been merciless.

Even from here she could see the huge Colossus's body – it was that big. Its flesh was torn away from the bones, but the shape was recognizable. No, the relentless desert was not the place to be.

Sighing she hugged the restless baby. Turning back and forward, her eye caught the long cave again and the swirling path over the ravine. Behind her a burned down forest, before her a lethal desert with nothing in between… Wait… nothing?

Mono bent forward a bit, looking over the edge. It was dark and misty, but she could recall Wander taking this exact same route and she was certain she had seen him taking a break at a lake. It must be somewhere around, but … where? It had to be down there…

She looked to the side and could just stop herself from shrieking. She quickly held out her hand. Aidan came to an abrupt halt and looked questioningly at her.

"We'll go down there the safe way, if you don't mind," she said, panting from the shock but trying to smile. She lifted him, threw another look in the direction of where she suspected the lake was and started walking over the path, back into the cave.


	10. Chapter 9: Taking up the Sword

**This entire chapter should be in cursive, but I thought it would be unnecessary and perhaps even annoying, so I let it be.  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter nine<br>Taking up the Sword**

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><p>She had tried not to look at him too accusingly. Desperately she was pushing the disappointed thoughts away. It won't take long, she promised herself. Just … just… just how long? Wander was staring at her, his head a bit to the side, as if he wondered whether she was going to be angry. When imagining that, she almost laughed. She had never been angry at him as far as she could remember. "So," she said, trying to sound like she was happy for him, "how long are you going to be away?"<p>

"A few days, I think," replied Wander. "I'm sorry, I… I know I'm being away too much. It's just that, it is about my future and, well… I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it," said Mono, trying to smile indifferently. "I'll manage. Just go, have fun, learn some things and then come back so that I can make you forget them again."

Wander acted as if he had not listened to a word she had said. "It's just that I feel bad for you. I can do what I've always loved to do, while you have to do what you've always hated to do."

"I don't _hate_ it," Mono corrected him. "I said, don't worry about it. I think I am independant enough to survive without you for a few days."

His lip twitched. "Yeah, I guess you are."

"Guess? I _am_ independant enough. I'm going to be perfectly okay." Just one or two more repetitions and she would actually believe it herself.

Wander nodded, so that his hair fell into his eyes and Mono could see that it had become longer. She frowned and took a step back to get a clearer view. He had changed… how come she had not noticed? He clearly had become taller and more muscular. And … and was his face decorated with small scars? His clothes had definitely changed; they looked much more like Brenn's, with leather straps everywhere and a long cloak with symbols. Mono felt very tiny in her simple dress and apron. She took a deep breath and tried not to focus on it too much; his character had not changed in the slightest.

"So," she said again, now wiggling uncomfortably, "I suppose you must be going, now, huh?"

"Yeah… I'm a little late actually, so I'll go right away. I… eh… see you soon. Bye."

Mono felt a loop in her stomach as Wander finished his sentence. He proceeded to put one arm around her neck, pulling her closer, and kissed her on the cheek.

"Bye," she said, aware of the fact she was blushing – and he, too. "Kindly come back with all fingers and toes attached."

"I'll try," grinned Wander. "Don't you let the piglets get on your nerves."

"Oh, if they do I'll just sit on them; don't worry about that. Now, bye-bye."

"Bye…" How many times had they said "bye" now? Mono wanted to laugh, to shatter this awkward moment, but it simply did not come. Wander waved at her as he walked towards his father, who was waiting at the forest edge with Agro and looking rather impatient. He called something to his son, causing Wander to run. He gave Agro a stroke over the nose, climbed on her back and rode off.

Mono kept looking until Wander had completely disappeared and even after that she kept staring at Agro's prints for a while. She wondered why she was so bothered by Wander's departure. It was only going to be a few days. Two, maybe three. She had had no trouble not seeing him for one day – in what way were two or three so much more difficult?

She shrugged and stared walking back to the village. The weather was still very good, yet the village was quiet. Some women were walking by, happily chatting, and a few kids were playing near the pasture, but for the most part everyone was either inside or working. Mono knew she was supposed to be working too at the moment, so even though she absolutely did not want to, she headed to the stables, where she found her mother.

"Oh, dear, give me a hand, will you?" she panted, while trying to calm a lamb that was squealing and kicking.

"What's wrong with her?" Mono asked, looking down to the pained animal.

"Got a thorn in the hoof… Don't you stand there doing nothing, girl!" Mono sighed and got down, after which she immediately got a harsh kick against her wrist. "Doesn't matter – grab the legs," her mother said. Mono wanted to snap at her, but eventually released her frustration on getting the thorn out.

* * *

><p>A few hours later Mono left the stable again, loaded with buckets that spread a not too agreeable odor. Even to Mono's standards, it smelled horribly and she wanted to finish this job as soon as possible. She had no idea what the calf had eaten but it <em>surely<em> had not been grass.

Balancing the buckets she walked alongside the houses, looking through the windows. Left and right she caught glimpses of everyday lives. She slowed down a bit when passing the biggest house. The scenery in the window did not match the otherwise lazy atmosphere in the village.

Lord Emon, clad in his usual heavy cloak, was discussing something seemingly important with Brenn. He moved his hands swiftly as he talked and Brenn looked very serious, too. Mono looked for a few seconds, trying to figure out whether it was bad news or not, but then realized she was being rude and sped up.

Her heart was pounding, although she was not sure why. Turning her head, she saw Brenn storming out of his house. She suspected he was upset, but it was hard to decide. When he saw her he turned on his heels and disappeared.

Brenn in an argument, she thought… Never thought I'd see that. She kept on walking, until a voice called her from behind. It took her so by surprise that she almost dropped the buckets. She managed to keep everything dry and turned around, staring right into her mother's face.

"What's taking so long?" she burst out before Mono could say anything. "I need you in the stables again!"

"I'll be right there," Mono said irritably, "as soon as I've put these…"

"You should have got rid of them hours ago! Now, be in the stables within five minutes." Mono was torn between simply frowning and throwing the bucket at her mother, but before she could really consider either of them, her mother had gone away already. Mono sighed and wanted to move along, but another voice called after her.

What now? she thought with a sigh, then she looked straight into Brenn's face and automatically she said, "Hi."

"Hi," said he breathlessly; he was holding a sword – but Mono noticed he had a sword sheathed as well – as well as his horse. "Let's go."

Now Mono did frown; she looked from the sword to his horse, then back to his face. "You must've heard my mother. I've got work to do."

"Mono, don't worry – I've taken care of it."

"What? I'm sorry but … but you've taken care of it? In what way, might I ask?"

"In a way that'll solve everything," he smiled. "Don't worry about it. I have informed your mother and I assure you I have enough reason to believe that she'll be very happy once you get back."

Mono looked at the sword. "Get back from what?"

"You have to be able to beat Wander at something when he gets back, right?"

"If you say so…"

"Then sword fighting it is." Without any warning, he pushed the sword right in her hands, climbed on his horse and held out his hand. "Come on."

Mono did not react. She let her fingers run over the cold steel of the sword; the emblem that said whose property it was… She did feel like sword fighting; it had been the secret dream of anyone – to wield a sword. She had been so jealous to hear other girl's stories about doing more than peasant life, but her mother had never let her participate. One day, years ago, she had stolen her father's sword to just swing it around in the woods. She had not been away for long and she had not even touched anyone or anything, but gosh, she sure had gotten a scolding.

"Well?"

Brenn's voice snapped her out of it. She looked up to him; he was smiling at her and suddenly she thought, maybe he's not so different. Maybe Wander's not the only one who I can spend time with. She pushed the question of why away and grabbed Brenn's hand, which felt strong and secure.

* * *

><p>She was horrible, Mono realized, laughing her butt off. Brenn was looking at her from a small distance, leaning on his sword with a faint smile on his face. He had just pretended to attack Mono again and again she was taken completely by surprise. He seemed able to travel at extreme speed. One moment he was coming at her from the front, and then he was at her left side…<p>

She grinned at him uneasily. "I guess in a real fight I would be dead by now, huh? Uh, I mean… a miracle."

"Yeah, you would," he replied, taking away the sword. "But luckily I am merely your teacher, instead of a true opponent."

"It's my lucky day, then." Mono lowered the sword for a second, then held it in front of her again. "Come on, strike again. I want to get at least one "In a real fight I'd be dead" from you."

"I don't know whether if Wander's going to be away long enough for you to accomplish that," Brenn said, comfortably preparing himself for Mono's "attack". He waited for her to do a step forward, then immediately struck and again, he was so close that their noses almost touched.

Mono could not help grinning at him again alongside the sharp edges of the swords. She could not see him clearly as they were so close, but she saw his lips curl into a smile, too. For a few seconds neither of them spoke. Mono suddenly became aware of the fact that any potential outsider was probably dying with laughter now; the two of them smiling cheekily while holding swords nearby each other's throats.

"You know," Brenn said, "if I take away my sword now, you could say that in a true fight, you'd have your "I'd be dead" moment from me. On the other hand, it wouldn't happen in a true fight, as it would be kind of idiotic."

"In a real fight this would be idiotic, period." Mono playfully thrust the sword at him; he reacted in the blink of a second; after that moment, Mono was clutching her sore hand and the sword was soaring through the air before landing on the ground several meters away from her. "Gosh," she blurted. "It would most certainly be idiotic. Mental note to myself: don't mess with Brenn."

She tried to joke about it, but she was shaking on her legs and Brenn was not smiling either. He looked at his own sword, a frown imbedded in his forehead.

"I'm sorry," he said eventually, not looking at her.

"It's okay," she said softly, but again he did not seem to listen.

"Mono," he said, "do you enjoy this? Enjoy fighting, I mean?"

"Enjoy?" Mono repeated; she was completely lost for words now that suddenly he was serious again. "What's that… I mean… Come on, how can you _enjoy_ that? I mean… pretending's fine, pretending to fight and protect people is fun. It's that kind of daydream, you know, just like you must've had when you were little. But actually fighting someone… No."

"No?" His blue eyes pierced her and she wondered whether she had given the wrong answer.

"You haven't dreamed of it?"

"Of course I have. Everyone has. I just thought you were longing for more. You always seemed to me like that. You always seemed like you were bored, like you wanted more than this."

Mono felt she was blushing. "Well, you're wrong," she said firmly. "I might not live the most exciting life, but what's wrong with that? This is a peaceful village. I might not have adventures, but so what? Life's adventure enough. I don't have to fear losing the ones I love – well, at least I didn't have to. And I have imagination. If I can live a safe life with my family and friends, then imagination is all the adventure I need."

He stared at her for a very long time, then gently shook his head. "Those are wise words," said he. "You're most extraordinary."

"It's just the way I see it," replied Mono, shrugging. "What about you? Do you enjoy fighting and stuff? I've heard you've actually fought people."

"I have. And I would be lying if I said I never fear it. I'd like to live my life with the ones I love as well. It's just that I have to prove myself first."

"Prove yourself to whom? As what?"

"If I cannot protect people, then what am I of use?"

"Of use? There's enough examples right here! Look at the women in this village; they're taking care of the animals and food!" Mono waved at Brenn's clothes, which resembled his father's. "Look at your father; he's protecting us every single day of life without even touching a sword."

"It's not that simple."

"I'm not saying it is; I'm saying there's more than physical protection. You can give people support, trust, love, wisdom… Do you honestly think that nobody will care about you if you don't risk your life?"

"I do."

Mono froze in the middle of a sentence. Does Wander think like that, too? she immediately thought worriedly. Then she shook her head. What was she thinking, fussing about him when Brenn was confessing his deepest fears to her?

"You shouldn't," she said slowly, looking for the right words.

"I do," he said again. "Because it'll not be peace at all times. Someday I will have to protect my loved ones and then I want to be able to. The worst thing I can imagine is having to look helplessly how a friend or family member is suffering – or dying…"

What _if_ Wander was thinking like that? Mono worried. What if he didn't actually enjoy this archery, but just did it because he felt like it was his duty? Oh, what if he let himself be carried away by it so much that he'd actually fight in a war or something? That would be horrible.

"Mono, I…" Brenn's hand on her shoulder came so unexpected that she jumped. He quickly pulled his hand back, looking very shocked.

"I am so sorry," she said panting, pressing a hand against her chest. "I was thinking and … I was just startled, I didn't mean to… to react like that."

"It's getting late," Brenn said curtly. "We should go back." He pulled the sword out of her other hand and walked straight to his horse, leaving Mono behind a tad confused. "Climb on," he said, without looking at her.

The way back home was silent; Mono was thinking about what he had said and whether Wander was thinking the same way. She looked at the sword that hung from Brenn's belt. What if one of her loved ones was in danger? She would not be able to help them – she was just a pathetic peasant.

She kept worrying until they had stopped in the village. She let herself slide off Brenn's horse. Brenn had already steered his horse away when she turned around and called after him. He stopped his horse, but did not look at her, so she came to him.

"Brenn," she said softly, her cheeks burning, "I want you to know that you're wrong. There are people that care about you even if you don't fight. Your father's one of them…" She took a deep breath. "…and so am I."

It took him several seconds to turn his head; when he did, his eyes were shimmering – or was it just the reflection of the moonlight? "There are also people that'll always care about _you_, Mono," he said in a whisper. "You shouldn't think the way you do, either."

After those words, he left. It had gotten so dark that he was gone within seconds, though she kept staring in the direction he had disappeared to for a long time before going inside, her stomach still dancing around in her body.


	11. Chapter 10: At the Lakeside

**Chapter ten  
>At the Lakeside<strong>

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><p>Mono put Aidan down; he immediately crawled towards the water. She let him be, as she knew the water was extremely shallow and he was not in danger. She took her time examining this new place. The surface went steeply down after the cave's exit and took her to the water, which was really just a stretched out puddle. When she walked into the water, it only wriggled around her toes. Not until the very back of the 'lake' it became so deep that it reached her thighs, yet it reminded her so much of the large lake nearby their village. She used to spend the summer midday there with Wander. Filled with memories of those happy days, she closed her eyes and breathed in the fresh air. In the middle of the lake was a tree and there was some vegetation alongside the puddle banks, but that was really it. It was not much as a feeding ground, but it was the best around.<p>

She turned around after a joyful squeal from Aidan. Smiling she looked at him splashing around. For a moment she hesitated about whether or not this was a good idea, but Aidan was so young and she still played with the thought that they were connected more than one would suspect, that she really did not think it would be a problem. And it was getting so hot now.

Looking over her shoulder to Aidan, who was happily playing with a lily pad he had found, she began taking off her long, warm dress. The cloth would be perfect in winter and was tolerable in spring and fall, but in these hot summer days it was simply too much. The worst thing was that it had been specifically made for her to die in. Due to this, she did not feel sorry taking it off after so long.

The puny waves in the water gently danced around her ankles as she made her way to the back of the lake. The sun warmed her pale body that had been so long hidden from it. She shivered when she saw the eerily blue scar of the knife that had impaled her so long ago. Was it just her, or was it healing very poorly? It seemed to have grown and even affected the rest of her torso. Thin blue lines decorated her otherwise gentle skin. Well, she would take care of it later that day.

Taking a last look at Aidan before she would completely submerge herself in the water, assuring herself that he was a safe distance from the deeper water, she cooled her body. Her scars stung a little bit, but she soon forgot all about them when she could enjoy the cool water against her skin. She splashed the water over her face, with a feeling as if she had never even touched water since the day she had died. In fact, the last time she had ever swum _was_ the day she had died, although it had been an entirely different situation.

After the swimming, Mono lay in the grass and stared at the clouds, while Aidan happily crawled around, chasing tortoises. For the first time she felt truly at home in the Forbidden Lands. Why had she not gone here before? She would bet anything that there was no place in these lands so similar to her homeland. She could smell the same plants, feel the same air, enjoy the same cool water. Happily she looked at her little boy; with him at her side, why would she even want to leave this place? Over time she had come to realize that, even though she missed home, there was nothing waiting for her there. Nobody but Wander had even dared doubting the gods' demand for her sacrifice, not even her parents. Her baby sister, yes, Mono missed her… but she would be fine with her parents. What had she, as a 'dead' and co-called cursed sister, to offer?

Even more convincing was the fact that bringing back Aidan with her would most certainly raise questions and unfair accusations. No, without Wander at her side, the village meant little to her. This place was fine. The tortoises were a poor replacement of the cows and horses, but they were a worthy adversary to Aidan, so they were excused.

She gasped as Aidan decided that it was much smarter to take a shortcut over Mono's stomach. She was wearing her dress again, but nothing could stop her from feeling how much heavier Aidan had become. She lifted herself off the ground and smiled when seeing Aidan's happy face. His hair was getting longer and now reached the tip of his ears, while his eyes had become a tad lighter.

"You know I love ya, honey, don't you?" she smiled to him.

"Mummy!"

She laughed and rubbed his head. He let himself slide off her stomach and returned to the hunt. The tortoise however had hid himself inside his shell and Aidan was looking rather confused at the remains. He looked up to Mono.

"He'll come back tomorrow," she promised him. "For now, you'll just have to accept me as your playmate, okay?"

He joyfully clapped his hands, yelling "Mummy" again. Mono got on her feet and gently pricked him in the side. Aidan squealed as if he was attacked and rolled onto his side. Mono pricked again and he rolled back and forth to avoid her. When she tried to tickle him for the third time, he was too quick for her and clung himself to her ankles, so that she almost fell.

"You clever little thing!" Careful not to hit him, she freed himself from his little hands. At lightning speed Aidan now grabbed her arms. She sat on eye height now and looked him straight in the face.

He was smiling brightly; it was so cute that it gave her an unsettling feeling. He was so beautiful, so sweet... With a sigh she let go of his hands and straightened her back. Looking behind her, she saw the sun was setting. She took a deep breath and took Aidan on the arm.

"You tired, laddie?"

Of course he shook his head.

"Then let's see if we can find you a place to sleep, all right?" She looked around. "I'm sad to say that your bed is gone. Well, would you mind sleeping next to mummy, then?"

"Mummy!"

"Let's take that as a yes, shall we?"

* * *

><p><em>There was nothing more beautiful than sitting in the pasture, your arms tight around your best friend's waist and your cheek against his back. Mono enjoyed every second of it. It felt warm and the gently breath of the horses around them were like a soothing melody.<em>

_This was the best, she thought. No need to say anything or do anything; just being close to each other was enough. Everybody always yelled at everybody in the village. Sometimes Mono was just fed up with it; in autumn she had a little more spare time. Brenn had said her mother would not be bothered at all by her leaving the chores, but her mother had only asked, "So, what did you and Brenn do?" and after that she had bothered Mono more than ever. She barely had any time to speak to anyone; she felt so guilty that after Wander had come back, she had not even been able to hear all his stories._

_Luckily Wander understood this. He did not have to do chores and he was not dragged all over the place – feed the cows! Shave the sheep! Brush the horses! Clean the pasture! Do the dishes! Cook! It's past ten, go to sleep! – but he had other responsibilities and they became more demanding as time went by. Mono had hoped his departure would be the limit, but she had been wrong. She saw him practice day and night. He had always been outstanding at arching, but now he was truly mastering it; he was performing things she would not even have thought possible, yet that was not enough to him. No, he had to be able to hit every target from Agro's back as well and as soon as he had mastered that, he had to do it standing on the saddle. Soon he would go to war… The thought frightened her. It had bothered her ever since she had had that talk with Brenn: fear that she might lose him for months and months on end – or even longer._

_"We're officially adults now," Mono suddenly stated. She looked up to her Wander and asked, "Does that mean anything to you, besides from the change in other people's expectations?"_

_Wander picked a flower and crumbled the leaves between his fingers, letting out a deep sigh, as if this subject was the last he had hoped to talk about. "Yes. I do feel that now I have to truly do something. I'm not a child anymore – my easy life is over. It's just so much better to think that for yourself, instead of other people telling you that.."_

_Mono waited a while before she responded. It was not exactly the kind of doubts she had about her adult life, but she heard that his voice was a bit flat. "What did you want to do when you were young, then?"_

_"I," Wander said, "I'd love to live a normal life. I wanted a family, a small house somewhere. No big tasks and my only responsibility protecting the ones I care about. Could you imagine how my father's "advice" went? It only made me wonder why he wasn't lying in his bed having nightmares about what could go wrong yet." He let out a bitter laugh. "And you?" he then asked. "I mean, you don't really have a choice ... but if you had, what would you do?"_

_You're not the only one… Mono took a deep breath – how many times did she have to explain this to people? – and said, "It's fine the way it is."_

_Questioningly he turned to her. "You don't mind?" When she shook her head, he seemed to be a little held back. "Strange. I always thought you weren't the kind of girl to agree with having no choice. I guess I don't know you as well as I wished I did."_

_"I admit it's difficult sometimes, but I am content the way it is. I mean; it could be worse. I have family, I have friends... I have a future." She tried to stare him directly in the eyes, but he had already averted his. "Aren't you happy the way it is?"_

_"I am, especially now I've really experienced these responsibilities, but the world's so big. I fear that if I am so important to so many people, bad things will happen. Then I'd be responsible for them. I just fear that I fail to protect the ones I need to protect."_

_Mono felt her stomach racing, though she tried to ignore it. "Just remember," she said reassuringly and she leaned closer to him, "that you're neither the first one nor the last one who has to deal with that kind of things. I mean, look at your father. He's doing fine and he's relaxed. You don't need to fear something bad will happen."_

_With a watery smile Wander looked at her. "But I am not my father."_

"_No," said Mono, "and I am happy about that, because me hanging out with your father… kinda creepy."_

_He grinned. "Sometimes, Mono, _sometimes_ you're saying true stuff."_

"_Why, thank you," she said, shaking her head so that her hair danced up and down._

"_Thank _you_." He bent forward and gave her a quick kiss on her lips. It happened in an instant – before Mono could comprehend it, it was over. Not knowing what to say or what do to, she just smiled. Wander smiled back. Then he left, leaving Mono behind confused. She stared at his figure disappearing in the distance, puzzled by what just had happened. Without looking she turned around and bumped straight into a massive figure. It was him – and he seemed to have grown a few inches._

"_Hi."_

_His answering grin was a bit forced, which did not add up to the feeling she had. Just like Mono a few moments earlier, he stared at Wander who had already disappeared into his house. A shadow fell over his face and his smile faded away._

"_Hi, Mono," he said, before turning around and attempting to leave – she stopped him._

"_What's the matter?" asked she. "Is something wrong?"_

_He seemed a tad nervous as he faced her. Without saying a word, he gestured her to walk along and she did. They took an unplanned route alongside the pasture's fence. Brenn was clutching his sword and staring straightly forward._

"_Is everything okay?"_

_He shrugged; Mono started to become anxious. "Look," she said, "I know I've been busy and you've been busy, but we haven't spoken in a while and … are you s_ure_ there isn't anything wrong?"_

_He looked to his side and smiled; it made Mono melt. She was just dazzled by the way he looked at her. Even Wander never looked at her like that._

"_Things are rough," he said. "Things always are rough."_

"_Is your father worried about something?"_

"_He is, as a matter of fact. He doesn't speak and usually it means something bad is coming. Or maybe it's just me…"_

_Mono frowned. "How could he ever be disappointed at you?"_

"_Well, he clearly is and I know why – I just don't really know how to please him." Brenn bit his lip and pointed his gaze at the path. Mono looked to the side; trotting along was Agro, flapping her ears as her eyes went from Mono to Brenn. She whinnied. Mono smiled at her._

"_How are you doing?" Brenn asked her._

"_Oh well, the usual…" She shrugged. Looking at Brenn again, she noticed he had become somewhat pale. "There _is _something wrong."_

"_Well, I … I want to … to talk to you."_

"_We _are _talking."_

"_Yeah, but … I mean somewhat more… more serious." He came to a sudden halt. Mono was confused by his behavior; she had never known him as the most talkative boy in the village, but this was just unsettling. He glanced over her back again; she turned several times to check whether something funny was going on, but all she could see were houses. There were not even people outside. _

_She turned back to Brenn again. "What's the matter?"_

_He shook his head._

"_Hey," she said, "if there's really something wrong, I'd like to help you if I can. You can tell me."_

"_It's just … I am not sure…" His gaze was all over the place now. Mono tried to follow where he was looking at, but his eyes flashed from Mono to Agro to the cows in the other pasture to the houses in the distance, then Wander who was walking somewhere in the distance, until finally they came to rest on Mono's face again. He sighed; then took a step forward. _

"_Mono," he said in a low voice, "I've been wanting to talk to you for some time now. For a long time, as a matter of fact, but I've never…"_

"_I've been trying to get you to talk for like five minutes now," Mono smiled, trying to ease the atmosphere… and failing with flying colors._

"_Mono…" She was getting quite nervous at him saying her name over and over again. She tried to stay calm, but her heart was racing now she was standing before him. "You're seventeen now."_

"_So I've been told."_

_Was it just her, or was he afraid to look her in the eyes? He kept looking at something behind her. What had changed between them? She suddenly became worried. Had she hurt him with what she had said to him the last time they had spoken? But then he did look her in the eyes – he even took her hand. For a moment she was completely speechless. She simply stared down on his beaming face; his eyes were glistening as he spoke._

"_Mono, I've always said you were special. And for a while now… I've been wanting to ask you ask you whether…" Mono held her breath when he – the shaman's son, nineteen years old, handsome, strong, skilled! – sank down to his knees, still holding her hand. "…you'd like to marry me."_


	12. Chapter 11: Memories

**Chapter eleven  
>Memories<strong>

* * *

><p>Aidan's regular breath was a soothing melody, yet Mono could not sleep. Having given everything that resembled a blanket to Aidan, Mono was cold, even though it was a summer's night. She turned and turned, but the only result was that she became even more restless and Aidan had mumbled a few times too. Afraid to wake him, Mono simply gave up and sat up straight. Apart from Aidan's breath, it was completely silent, which made it possible to admire the lands' beauty in the middle of the night. The Forbidden Lands should not be called so, she thought. The gods had made them forbidden; before they had messed everything up, surely these lands had been paradise. Paradise to those who had lived there – and Mono knew people <em>had<em> lived there. Had she not followed Wander through ancient cities and ruins? She had, in fact, loved them. For a few moments she had almost forgotten why Wander was there; all she could do was mentally scolding him for not stopping and looking at the wonders of these lands – for just caring about killing things.

When Mono got up, she felt a sort of ticklish feeling underneath her feet. Clutching her right foot, she got down. In the soft moonlight she examined the tiny white spots which seemed to have become bigger. She frowned and looked around. Was she allergic to some kind of plant around these lands?

Remembering what had struck her the other day, she lifted her dress and examined her stomach and chest. She was relieved to see that the scars had not changed; they were just as blue as they had been yesterday. Perhaps the wounds had merely been infected by the lack of hygiene and was a thorough bathe all that she required. Ashamed she thought that maybe she had been too careless about a proper hygiene. In the morning she would bathe Aidan too, whether he liked it or not. The last thing she wanted was him getting sick.

Carefully not to step on branches or sharp stuff she went back to the deeper water. It was almost black now and she could not help being reminded of the one (and last) time Wander had faced a Colossus by night. The beast had caught him entirely by surprise. Just running around a narrow chasm, he had suddenly been attacked by a Colossus that was surprisingly small. After having faced walking buildings, Wander clearly did not think this was a Colossus, more like a horribly mutated bull. However, he quickly found out that this beast was a tad more aggressive than a bull and within seconds he was hastily heading to the caves where hopefully the beast would not be able to follow him.

After a lot of running around and shooting pointless arrows that just bounced off the beast's armor, Wander had become so frightened that he dived straight into the lake nearby and had swum around all afternoon until the Colossus, which had spent all that time running alongside the river banks trying to figure out how to kill Wander without touching the water, finally backed away. By that time Wander had become so tired that he used his last powers to climb up the cliff back to Agro, leaving a trail of blood behind. Mono had hoped that this injury would put him off the fight for several days if not weeks, but the next morning Wander returned and mercilessly stabbed the Colossus in the back, killing him.

* * *

><p>Mono shuddered when entering the deeper water. It was so much colder than during the day. She was surprised to find this, as she remembered nighttime swims as feeling very warm. Oh well, it did not matter anyway.<p>

She carefully rubbed her feet, even tried to scratch the patches off with her nails, but it kept feeling dead and useless. She kept washing her entire body until she nearly froze and then quickly went back to Aidan, practically diving into her dress that suddenly looked warm and fuzzy again. Shivering she threw wet strands of hair out of her face and stared at the smooth surface of the water. The dress did not seem to block cold as it used to do so expertly.

In the modest light of the stars and moon she looked at her little boy sleeping so peacefully in the grass, covered in pieces of her dress, which had started to resemble a shirt more and more. She did not care much – the never occurring reaction of her mother if she would ever see this 'godless' outfit was insignificant. She cared much more about Aidan sleeping well.

The night felt cold instead of warm, but Mono found it hard not to enjoy it. Aidan was healthy, they had found a better home; everything was at peace. As she had tried to prevent over the past few days, she thought about how it would have been if both Wander and Agro had lived through this. Life in these lands would have been so much better if they would be with the four of them. Wander could then wander over the fields again, but now to admire the lands, not to destroy its wonders.

This lake in particular would have been a perfect place for her and Wander. In fact, she could so easily depict them together that it almost felt like they _really_ had been here together, instead of him being here and she looking. She could imagine Agro, comfortably walking around, sniffing plants, quenching her thirst, and Wander sitting at the lakeside beside her, looking at the stars. She would lean against his shoulder until she fell asleep.

Though barely noticing, Mono cried when thinking about her best friend. She missed him so much. The loss of her family, although still _there_, had lessened, but now that Wander was gone she realized just how much he had meant to her. In the first few weeks the thought of Aidan had eased her feeling of sorrow about Wander's death, but it began to come back. She could feel it, every night. Aidan's presence used to help her, but now… When looking at him she no longer only felt pride and happiness; she felt a devastating sense of loss. She felt she had to realize that she should not in any way see Aidan as a replacement for Wander, but if she had to do that, she had to accept that Wander _was_ forever gone, all because of her. Well, she restrained herself, not entirely because of me. Him breaking his promise to me is not my fault.

Even though she did not even consider giving up anymore, not now she had Aidan, but she could never stop thinking about him and how it could have been.

She looked at her side, at little Aidan. He had turned, now chewing on a piece of her dress. She still was convinced that Aidan was at least connected to Wander. There was no other explanation. He had appeared exactly where Wander had disappeared, bore a striking resemblance to Wander and why else would the gods have attempted to punish him? Furthermore, there simply was no way he could have appeared without intervention of the gods. They must have brought him here. Why, she did not completely understand, but she did know she had saved him from a terrible punishment and she was proud of it. Proud of having saved this wonderful baby. Proud to be with him, no matter how strange it was if her theory was correct. The true Wander, the boy that had been her friend, was not the same as Aidan. So why should she not love him as her son? His rebirth had not been for nothing. This new life was to learn from Wander's mistakes and she, being a witness of these mistakes, could help him with it. Someday he would become just a great a man as Wander had been and earn the life Wander would have got. This life was meant as a second chance and it was only fair to give Aidan that, as she had been the one to take it away. She along with Lord Emon.

Looking at her little Aidan, Mono laughed at the idea of seeing him as Wander. Wander had taken those sixteen lives, not Aidan. Aidan was innocent; _Wander _had killed sixteen breathing, walking and crying animals. Animals that had shrieked when they were hit by an arrow, howled when they almost collapsed and let the earth rumble in rages of pain. They did not look like animals, but they were. Their eyes moved around and saw things; their brains felt pain and fear. At some point in the battles, they had all showed hesitation – even the scary bull-like Colossi. They too had been afraid of Wander and his menacing sword. They had definitely been more afraid of Wander than he had been of them. He had nothing to lose but his life (which, according to what he had told Mono, was exactly what he desired), while the animals were brutally slain for merely existing.

Why, _why_ had Dormin chosen exactly these creatures to be killed by Wander? She had never quite understood. Did they hold pieces of a seal that prevented Dormin from rising again or did they carry Dormin's soul _with_ them? Dormin had told Wander something vague about the Colossi being divine interpretations of gods, but which ones? The same gods Mono herself had prayed to? If so, how exactly did that work? All she knew that once the creatures had been killed and Wander had been completely turned into a monster, Dormin had been set free. So Dormin had been revived simply by killing these Colossi – shouldn't that mean that they held either the key to Dormin's body or his seal? The worst of all was the realization that he had been possessing Wander all along, which also meant that during this short time he had possessed her dear Aidan, too. Luckily the gods had stopped this. Once again it had been the gods to cause twists. People just had not the power to do so. Or rather, they lacked the courage – with some exceptions, Mono thought, remembering Wander, balancing on top of a huge flying beast.

Well, there was one person she was sure lacked courage. While some people had risked their lives in a foolish yet noble quest, _he_ had sat at home. She doubted whether he had cried (or had been sad, for that matter) when Lord Emon returned home, telling that he successfully stopped the process of reviving Mono. He would probably be relieved about the cursed fate being fulfilled after all. He had never cared. Saving the village, that was all that mattered. Her life was nothing compared to that of the villagers. To him, it had always been that way – she had just never seen it. It had been foolish of her to believe that there was actually something there and it was, simply put, utter madness to miss him. Yet even after all this time she still could barely believe he had never cared for her. Had it all been a lie, then? The beautiful words, his compliments, the way he looked at her… all false? Well, she had always known she was weaker than Wander. This had just been another indication. Another thing they had never spoken about or never spoken about enough.

The more she thought about it, the more she felt she and Wander should have had more time together. There was so much that was never fully explained, like … like whether Wander had still believed in their friendship. Or in what way.

Everybody, including her parents, thought that they were in love, but that simply _was not true_. Surely she knew, as one half of the pair? She had experienced love and she was certain Wander's and hers relationship had been different. If she had lived to see her baby sister grow up she might have considered the thought that it had been a brother-sister relationship, but now she simply thought it was the peak of friendship. Not a crush on each other, not in love… they just cared for each other. They had faith in each other, understood what was going on in both their heads and could always spend time together, no matter what the circumstances. It was neither love nor friendship; it was something in between; something much, much better.


	13. Chapter 12: The Decision

**Chapter twelve  
>The Decision<strong>

* * *

><p>Oh gods, the crying!<p>

Mono gave herself a mental kick; she let go of her ears and quickly got up to rush towards Aidan. Well, at least she tried; halfway through the getting up her muscles protested viciously and with a little cry of pain she fell down again on the grass. Her body was aching all over; it hurt so badly that it took her a minute to get up without screaming; by that time Aidan had turned up the volume and several birds had flown out of the trees, leaving behind a defiant chattering. Mono threw them a nasty look and hurried towards her little boy.

To her relief Aidan stopped crying as soon as she was near him and he stretched his arms out to her, babbling and kicking the air. She wanted to pick him up, but her aching muscles simply refused to and so she sat down to him, laying her hands on his stomach, which seemed to have the same effect.

Aidan's big eyes stared at her and to Mono's delight she saw he was smiling. Oh, she simply melted at the sight of it. And he had dimples! How come she had never noticed that before? Ignoring the pains she bent forward and kissed him. Aidan allowed her, but after that he stretched out his arms again and mumbled something.

"You're hungry, aren't you, my little man?" she guessed. She got up first and stretched out her arms. It hurt in the shoulders, but she could live with it. She bent forward to the ground – that hurt a whole lot more, now in her lower back. Meanwhile Aidan was staring at her, completely silent, like he was thinking, "Yeah, exercise's nice at all, but I want breakfast!"

Mono supported her back as she walked back to him. It hurt a lot when lifting him off the ground, but when she had placed him on her lap it went okay. She stroked Aidan's head and stared at the lake. It was so perfectly smooth. Like a mirror… She had not seen a mirror in ages. She wondered what she looked like now, after all that time here.

Oh right, she had promised to bathe Aidan… but oh, her body hurt so much. Aidan was moving way too much on her lap and her arms even hurt so much that she feared that she would drop him if she tried to get him away, so even though her thighs had begun to protest too, she kept Aidan on her lap, occasionally biting her lip not to scream.

"Aidy, why don't you do mummy a favor and keep still," she said to him, in the sweetest voice she could pull off. Aidan just stared at her in confusion. Mono sighed, then started stroking his head again. "It's okay. You can't help it." It was hard being mad at Aidan when he nuzzled up so cutely.

* * *

><p><em>Was she imagining things or had her mother given her a more loving kiss when Mono left the house that morning? And why did she have the feeling her father's hug was different than usual? Oh, whatever, she probably <em>was _just imagining things. Mono sped up as she neared Wander's house. Before she could knock on the door, however, it had already opened and Wander stood in front of her. As soon as their eyes met, he opened his mouth, but she was quicker. _

"_Not a word. If you want me to, I'll explain, but yeah, it's true."_

"_True!" He burst out into laughter and she secretly let out a sigh of relief. "Wow, I mean: really? Brenn? I'd love to have seen that. How did he react?"_

"_React to what?"_

"_Your rejection, of course."_

"… _I haven't yet." She felt weird admitting it. Surprisingly, Brenn himself had seemed pretty understanding – by lack of a better word – of her hesitation, while her mother had been very disappointed, not so say frustrated, to hear that she had told Brenn she needed some time to consider it. Yesterday she had spent hours trying to convince her daughter to say "yes", helped by Mono's father. After hearing the same arguments over and over again, Mono had gone to bed early. But of course she could not blame her parents; her mother was looking at Brenn's heritage, his skills, the honor and Mono had to admit: looking from that angle, there was no better match. At least Mono now understood certain things._

_Still, she was not sure herself. Undoubtedly it was a fine match and Brenn was a nice guy and he seemed to genuinely care for her, but she simply did not feel comfortable enough thinking about him as her husband. On the other hand, wasn't she being ungrateful? Every girl would have loved to be in her position._

_She sighed. Wander narrowed his eyes. "Do you love him?"_

_The direct question frightened her. She turned away from Wander's accusing expression. The horizon lay before her, but somehow it felt so much further away from her, as if she had traveled several hundred miles in the past few hours._

"… _So you do."_

"_No," she answered softly. "I mean… we've spent time together and I really do like him and he's nice and all and he's strong, handsome…"_

"_In other words: perfect."_

"_No!" She really had to fight to keep her voice from shrieking. "I don't know… I don't know what I should do."_

"_Why not? This is the easiest thing there ever was. You just need to answer this question: do you love him?" Wander's voice had begun to shake. Mono still did not look at him, but she knew he did look at her and saw her face getting red. _

"_It's _not_ easy," she whispered. "Look, Wander, for people like you marriage is about love. But I …"_

"_Oh, so now I am "people like me"!" Wander exclaimed. "That's low, Mono. I'd expect better from you."_

"_Wander, it doesn't say anything about our friendship, but it is a fact that you are a chief's son, while I am a peasant."_

"_Yes, but it is _not_ a fact that that must mean you shouldn't marry for love."_

"_It does, Wander, it does. Why did my mother want me to marry Brenn from the start? Because he is able to take care of me and a future family. Plus, he cares for me and is already a friend of mine. It's the best I could ever hope for."_

"_What about me, Mono? If you only marry someone for heritage, why not me? Am I not the chief's son, like you just said?"_

_Now she really was glad she was not facing him, because her cheeks began to burn. "You're my best friend – it would feel awkward."_

"_Awkward! Am I your best friend or not? How's marrying your best friend awkward, if it isn't for love anyway?"_

"_You forget marriage is also to … continue the blood line."_

_To this he did not answer. Mono smiled through her tears. She could so easily imagine him, her proud warrior, with his bow and arrow and strong horse. Yet, she was now facing Brenn's house in the distance. "Wander…" Did she dare to say it? "I think… I think I'll accept."_

"_You what?"_

"_I think I'll accept," she said quickly. "I honestly see no reason why I shouldn't. I do not love him as I wish to when I marry, but I do like him and he seems to care for me. At least I know him."_

"_But I care for you too. You know that, right?"_

"_Yes , of course, but it's just… I have known you my entire life as my closest friend and I simply don't want to change that."_

_Wander stayed silent for a while; Mono waited, but then she turned around to see how he reacted. Her heart skipped a beat – Wander was crying. He was clearly trying to hide it, but he could not. Hesitantly she took a step forward._

"_Wander, I … this doesn't change our friendship, does it?"_

"_Nah, it's not that," he said, shrugging not very convincingly. "It's just that I don't like the thought of you spending the rest of your life with Brenn. I mean, you deserve better."_

_She shook her head. "It's the best I could hope for. He can protect me, as you will protect your wife one day. Besides, you should really give him a chance. I think you'll find you like him more than you would ever have thought."_

"_You're… you're right, I guess. I just can't believe it." Wander rubbed his face clean before hugging her. Mono had to repress the urge to follow his lead and crying. There was no reason to be sad, although she could not feel entirely happy when thinking about Brenn. He was handsome, strong and, in his own way, loving. It truly was the best she could hope for, but still, she felt a spark of doubt._

* * *

><p>Mono had finally persuaded Aiden to leave her lap and now he was splashing around in the shallow water, while she tried to rub his skin clean without hurting him or herself too much. Judging by Aidan's joyful giggling, he was all right, but her pain intensified with every single movement. She cursed herself for it. How could it be that after nearly sixteen years of upmost health, she was suddenly ill?<p>

"Keep still, you," she said a lot more irritably when Aidan reached out to grab a tortoise that had made the unfortunate decision to get within a foot's distance of the boy's eager hands. When Mono said this to him, Aidan quickly pulled back his hand and stared at the water, his lip trembling suspiciously. Mono finished cleaning his back as fast she could without hurting him and then gestured vaguely in the direction of the tortoise, saying: "I'll be… I'll be nearby." She dragged herself over to the banks and sat down there, with a sigh as if she had jogged up and down the desert. She could not help looking at her footpads again. This time she did see change. The white spots had not become bigger – she wished they had. The spots now were itchy and she could see the veins underneath it. Puzzled she let go of her feet and let her chin rest on her arms. She stared at Aidan, but her thoughts drifted off.

It could not be callus, because then it would not hurt and the veins would certainly not be visible. It seemed as if she just had a small wound that was now infected, hence her tired muscles. She just had to take it easy for a few days and then see whether it got better. And perhaps… she looked around for the plants she had used to treat her feet the other day.

"Mummy…" Mono looked over her shoulder; Aidan was crawling towards her, a large drop dangling from the tip of his nose. Aidan stopped right at her feet and looked at her pads with such a puzzled expression that Mono grinned. "Coesa," said he, after looking up to her again.

"Yes, mummy's got a little pain, but no worries," she replied, stroking his hair. "Just don't – ouch!"

Aidan let out a howl and backed away from his mother; Mono quickly soothed him again, but she could hardly ignore the terrible shot of pain that had shocked her when Aidan had touched the white spots.

"No, no, calm down, honey, there's nothing wrong." She took him on her lap, wiping his tears away. "Mummy's just a little sensitive there, okay?"

"Coesa…"

"Sure." She laughed. "Now, no worries, okay?" She gave a tiny pinch in his cheek, which made him beam. She reckoned he was probably a bit weepy because he was hungry. She still had not managed to walk far enough to get some food. Of course, she could not let her boy suffer for a minor injury she had.

She shook her head, trying to get her mind clear, but the only result was a headache to match. She dragged herself to the edge of the lake, apparently followed by Aidan as the murmuring sounds kept sounding nearby.

Now she saw Aidan's face clearly in front of her and she smiled. "Let's go find some food together, shall we?" she said, trying to change directions, but almost fell over him. She clung to a tree she had not seen coming closer for support and blinked several times. Her vision was vague, then sharp again, vague...

She felt Aidan pulling her dress, wailing "Mummy? Mummy?"

"It's okay," she managed to produce, though it felt as if the words just were spat out. "D'you… d'you mind if mummy lays down for a while…? I'll … I'll find food for you soon, within an hour – I promise, but I …" She sank to the ground when she apparently had let go of the tree; she could hardly feel her fingers anymore. "I… I'm not feeling so well."

Through the blur she saw Aidan's figure coming closer. The next moment a tiny hand stroked her cheek and she smiled.

"Coesa," said his sweet voice.


	14. Chapter 13: Sacrifice

**Chapter thirteen  
>Sacrifice<strong>

* * *

><p>Mono ducked for the branches that threatened to swipe her off Agro's back. She clung to Wander's body, fearing and enjoying the wild ride at the same time. With every graceful movement a shockwave seemed to run through her body. They were going so fast that the trees were barely more than a brown flash.<p>

Finally, when they reached the edge of the forest, Wander sat up straight again and gently pulled the reins. Agro immediately obeyed and Mono let her breath escape as they safely returned to a steady trot. Wander eased the reins and let his fingers run through Agro's manes. After a loving pat on the mare's neck, he turned to Mono. His boyish grin made her smile as well.

"How did you like it?"

"A tad scary, but wonderful," replied she. "So, this is what you did every morning when I had to work?"

"Privileges of the noblest boy in the village, my dear."

"Dream on, boy, you're not the noblest."

"I am not as spiritual as the rest of the village, so I do consider my father to be the highest rank."

"Don't let them hear you."

"I most certainly won't. Well, where would the princess of forest like to go to next?" Wander grinned, but his smile quickly faded away as another person approached them on horseback. Mono looked around Wander's back and recognized the man's face. Immediately a hot feeling tormented her cheeks and a knot seemed to tie in her stomach. It was him, but oh, she could not bear seeing him now – there had to be a better time.

He seemed to notice them a bit later than they noticed him. He quickly slowed his horse down and in a split second wiped his face clean of something they never saw.

"Brenn," Wander said curtly, with a nod.

"Wander," he replied, nodding too, then looking away again.

"Hello, Brenn," said Mono shakily when the boy passed her.

He froze. His mouth hung open for a few seconds before he answered. "Mono." Then his voice faded away again. Mono looked forward again, as Brenn had now passed them and she hoped to make it clear to him that she did not want to talk to him right now, but then –

"Mono, wait!"

She turned around; Brenn had sent his horse after them. Wander responded by pulling the reins and turning Agro.

"Mono, I need to talk to you."

Bewildered she stared at him. "Uh… I guess that's okay."

Brenn looked from her to Wander. "Could I talk to you – alone…?"

Wander looked questioningly at her. Mono examined Brenn's face. He looked different. His way of acting reminded her of how he had hesitated right before proposing to her, but even more intense… There really must be something.

"Sure." She let herself drop from Agro's back. "See you back in the village, okay?" she said to Wander, who nodded and spurred Agro on. Brenn dismounted his own horse and gestured her to follow him as he started walking the path away from the village. She followed, but quickly lost sight of him as she wandered in her own thoughts. Now was the time. Now she had to. If only she would not be so nervous.

"Brenn," she said softly. He turned his head, but did not slow down. "Brenn – didn't you want to talk to me?"

"Not here."

"Why not?"

"I am not supposed to mention it."

Mono raised her eyebrows. Looking around, she said: "But there's nobody here, so it doesn't matter whether you're going to talk about it here or in the forest." In an impulse she grabbed his hand, which froze him immediately. She basically felt the fear rushing through his body. He turned around and stared at her with shimmering eyes.

"Brenn, I … I wanted to talk to you too. I've decided my answer."

Surprisingly, he backed away, shaking his head. "No, Mono… Don't say anything."

"But … but I accept." The words slipped out her mouth; they came as easily as if she was reading from a book. "I… I love you and want to share my life with you." He numbly stared at her; Mono felt her throat getting thick. "You… you changed your mind?"

"No, I would never, but…" He cast a few awkward glances before answering. "This morning my father told me something," he said in a rather shaky voice. "Something concerning you."

The feeling that something very bad was about to be said, taunted her, but Mono could do nothing besides simply listening, while feeling her knees shake.

"A great horror is going to happen and there's only one way to stop it."

"A horror caused by the gods?"

"We don't know. All I know is that the gods told my father it was going to happen."

Mono looked over her shoulder to the village. It looked peaceful. The cows would soon give birth, the crops were coming in nicely, all the animals were healthy, the weather was excellent… What kind of horror would be bestowed upon them?

"As I said, there's only one way to stop this all. A sacrifice must be made. A severe sacrifice. The gods were very clear."

Oh no… Mono knew what was coming and she almost burst out in tears just by the mere thought of it. Of course. Once or twice a year this had to happen: one of her beloved animals had to be slaughtered, for the village's sake. She hated it, but she had never complained before and this time, too, she would brave this hardship.

"Which one?" asked she, desperately trying to keep her voice calm.

Brenn spent several seconds staring at her; he was looking incredibly gloomy and for one horrible moment Mono thought that he must mean Agro…

"It's you, Mono." A tear escaped his eye.

"… Excuse me?"

"You are the one to be sacrificed."

* * *

><p>It had to be a joke. A big, stupid joke from the shaman's son. It had to be. Mono looked angrily at Brenn, furious about him telling something like that, just now, right now she had decided to like him. They never had done any human sacrifices in the village before. Never. Lord Emon had always reassured the villagers whenever someone dared to ask about it and Mono's parents too had said nothing of that sort ever happened. Brenn was just being himself again, she reckoned. Strange and unpredictable.<p>

She clung to that while staring in the fire. Next to her sat Wander, looking to her and Brenn exchanging looks. She had not told him as she saw no reason why. It was a joke anyway and Wander would just get mad at Brenn, who, of course, deserved it, but she could handle this herself.

Brenn kept looking at her, which made her even angrier. Her mother sat a few logs away holding Mono's sister, who was looking curiously around. It was the night that marked the beginning of summer and it was always celebrated by this camp fire. Mono had always loved it, but this time she was bothered by Brenn's announcement. It _had_ to be a joke, because otherwise Lord Emon had told her. _He_ was the shaman – not Brenn.

As if called by the gods, Lord Emon chose that exact moment to rise from his own log and spread his hands. Mono glanced at Brenn – he was looking directly at his father, with no apparent emotion.

"Friends, family, neighbors," spoke Lord Emon. "Originally, we were supposed to gather here to celebrate the close of spring and the beginning of summer. I wish to interrupt this feast, however, by making a sad announcement. The gods have demanded for yet another sacrifice."

A gasp went through the villagers' bodies. Mono shuddered too.

"It is of course necessary as the gods would never demand blood if there is no need." Lord Emon seemed to realize that this speech was stretching it way too long. His gaze caught Mono, who knew perfectly well that she was shaking. He held out his hand. "My dear," he said to her, "please step forward."

She did, albeit staring at the ground. She did not know which of the boys she would rather avoid: Wander or Brenn. Lord Emon took her hand and she looked up. "My dear," said he again, "this is an event like no other. The gods have chosen a human being to join them in paradise and with both sadness and pride I declare that it is you they welcome."

Another gasp rose, but now Mono actually saw her parents grab each others' hands, looking in shock at their eldest daughter. Mono bowed her head, trying not to cry, but as Lord Emon rambled on about honor and memories, she let her gaze float over the many shocked faces, stumbling upon Wander's.

He was crying. Pale as Mono's dress he stared at her, blinking and shaking as he clenched his fists around the log's edge. She could not watch him like that and turned around, now facing Brenn. Seeing him was even worse, because he showed no sign of sadness or shock at all, whereas Wander had now reached the point of audible crying.

"… and once done so, you will be honored and remembered like…"

She could not take it anymore. Letting out a yelp she turned her back on Lord Emon and ran away from the camp fire. A third gasp arose and shocked voices called her name, but she just ran. She did not want pity from her fellow villagers; she did not want her parents to hold her. All she wanted was to wake up and see Wander smile at her, before taking her to the forest.

Inside the stables she zigzagged between the cows and calves and threw herself in a corner, where she starting crying her eyes out. The smell of hay and the soothing chewing of the animals could not comfort her this time. She would soon die. Life was cruel. Life was over. Hadn't she always been grateful for her life? Yes, she had complained about the boredom once in a while, but on the whole she thanked the gods for what she had. Why her? Why did she have to die? What had she done wrong?

The bit of sunlight that entered the stable through the door was blocked by a person. The next moment a hand landed on her shoulder. Automatically she laid her hand on it and crawled closer to him, longing to be comforted.

"My Mono…"

His words were so soft that she could hardly understand him, but she needed him right now. She wanted to say his name, say that he was hers too, but once she opened her mouths, anything but his name came out.

"I don't understand… it's so… confusing, I mean, I … what did I do to deserve this? What have I done wrong? What's… why a human? Why not … why not nothing! Why can't these damn gods do anything without demanding everything…"

"Mono! How… how dare you speak like that!"

As soon as he uttered those reprimanding words, she knew he was not Wander and she looked up. Brenn's face hung just above hers, in utter shock. She backed away; wanting to shout that he should leave her alone, just return to his godless father who had just bluntly said this … but she was speechless. Brenn's hand touched her face and he began to caress her. She tried to back away even more, but the wall was already there.

"I understand," he said, although she knew that to be a lie. "Of course you don't deserve this; the gods' ways simply are strange. But do not fear, my Mono, you will be remembered as a heroine by all."

How dared she, he had asked? How dared he say those words! They made her so angry that she would have given anything to shout at him. Don't! she wanted to say. Don't call me yours. Nobody but he is allowed to say that.

"Mono… don't fear." His piercing eyes caught her. There was no way to escape this anymore. He grabbed her hands and came even closer. "The gods will protect you. You will rise to paradise, protected and honored by your kind deed. And I will be coming there too. This doesn't mean it's over. My Mono… I love you." His voice had not become louder, but every time he said another word, it shot through her ears as if he had begun to yell. "I will be there for you when you…" he started again and his hands folded around her cheeks, but enough was enough.

"You _pig_," she burst out, silencing him at once. She wildly shook her head, pulled herself free and tried to push him away. Leave this corner, was all she could think. Get away.

Meanwhile Brenn just looked sadly in her eyes, doing nothing. Finally she regained her speech completely. "You _pig_," she repeated angrily. "Love me, do you? You'd kill your own son if the gods asked you to do so!"

He just stared, saying nothing, doing nothing to defend himself. He did not even show the faintest sign of sadness, whereas she was crying now.

When he finally said something, it was just as worthless as the rubbish he had constantly told her those last days; the rubbish she was foolish enough to believe. "I know you don't love me – that you did not mean it."

"Then why don't you leave me alone!" she exclaimed, pounding her fists on his muscular chest. Another tear escaped his eyes as he backed away, so that she could jump up and run out of the stables, right into Wander's warm, protecting arms.

"Mono! I thought … I didn't know where you were, but I saw Brenn and…"

He did not need to say anything. Mono wrapped her arms around his neck and cried in his shirt. For a moment he did not move, but then he embraced her too. Over his shoulder Mono saw Brenn, walking back home. He looked over his shoulder to her and Wander, but she closed her eyes – this was hers and Wander's moment. Their moment.

No words were needed .Wander did not need to say he was shocked or sad. Mono did not need to say that she was scared of the unknown and feeling betrayed; he simply understood. Mono never wanted to release him. Let her never be away from his side, until the moment of sacrifice was there.

When they did let go, she looked at Wander's face. He was so pale that he actually seemed to disappear in the sky. "I won't let this happen," he whispered, stroking her cheek. "Tonight we flee. You and I. The gods can demand whatever they want, but I won't let them get you."

She could not even try to tell him how much this meant to her. For all she cared, he would never tell her that he loved her more than anything in this world. It was right there, in his eyes, hidden by tears, but still visible. A smile broke through her tears.

"No. If this is my fate, I'll accept it."

"But Mono…" Even though she had not believed it possible, Wander's face became even paler, but she shook her head before he could continue.

"I love you too," she whispered.

"… What about Brenn?"

"Forget. Forget everything I said about him. It's you that I love. Please… please stay with me until the end."

He squeezed her neck as if it was the last he would ever feel; to her, it was a comforting, beautiful hug that said "I love you". That moment all her affection went out to Wander. Forget about Brenn, forget what he said. Wander, her best friend, who needs this, who loves her, whom she loves back. Her Wander. Her unique Wander, who would stay with her until the end.


	15. Chapter 14: Blurred Vision

**Chapter fourteen  
>Blurred Vision<strong>

* * *

><p>She was flying on grass. The tip of her toes barely touched the tips of the plants that waved to her from the ground. She was in the air, but also on the ground; Wander's image was floating in front of her, imbedded in the soil. She smiled and tried to call his name, but all that came out of her mouths was foliage. It stuck to Wander's face and he cried for help, but no matter how far she stretched out her arm, she was held back by a greater force, a huge force that pressed all the air out of her lungs but spoke with a soft, hesitant voice.<p>

"Mummy?"

Feeling as if she had already opened her eyes twice, Mono blinked several times before recognizing Aidan, who was crying without sound. Big tears dripped from his nose to her dress but she could not feel the wetness. When sitting up half straight, she noticed her dress was sticky with some kind of liquid she vaguely recognized, but she could not tell what exactly it was. She could not tell anything. Her head was aching so loudly that she could actually hear it; a booming bass punched her ears and she slapped her hands onto her temples. When she pulled them back, the same liquid was stuck to them too. Her hair fell alongside her cheeks with a heavy feeling.

"Mummy!"

Aidan was hungry, she remembered again. Staring at the sky, she tried to see what time it was. It was dark… but how dark? It was cold, very cold. Had she slept until winter? Oh, what was she saying… that was nonsense, of course…

She tried to get up, but it felt as if she was dangling above a huge cliff in complete darkness; she stretched out her arms but felt nothing; she blinked, but saw no difference between having her eyes opened and shut. She could hear Aidan crying, but from afar, as though he had walked away from her – had he?

"Aidan!" she called and a shriek of fear sounded very nearby now. She shook her head and her vision cleared somewhat. Aidan was looking at her with a teary-eyed face and he chewed on a branch. Without thinking Mono slapped the branch away from his mouth, which made him cry even harder.

"Don't eat… branches," she mumbled – was that not poisonous? Or just bad for his teeth… Oh, what did it matter, it was gone now. Now… some food? She looked around, but only vaguely remembered where the trees were. And Aidan constantly pulling her dress was not helping either.

She stumbled into something that felt like bushes; she could actually see how the razor-sharp thorns carved her skin, but she did not feel it. Worse – she did not bleed. The cut was deep and blue, but completely dry.

Not caring about repeated cuts she pulled berry after berry from the bushes and dropped them on the ground, mumbling to Aidan (hopefully) that there was food. A cry of joy and quick movement told her that Aidan had noticed. She sat down on the ground and got some berries for herself too, but when trying to eat them, she felt nothing. There was no saliva left in her mouth, it seemed, and her throat seemed shut down. She could not eat; she could not swallow. A burning feeling tortured her stomach and made her gag.

In the distance she heard a soft voice and through her eyelashes she saw a small hand patting her arm. Somewhere in the back of her head she recognized it, but it soon drowned in the river of her mind… What was she thinking? The mind was no river… No, it was! She could see it. A beautiful calm river, swirling through the land, carrying her and Wander in a tiny boat. They smiled at each other; she saw herself beaming. She was young and healthy, laughing at Wander, batting her eyelashes. She said something – though she could not hear herself – and then looked into the smooth water, beaming at her own reflection. Mono wanted to experience the same; to share this river with him, but as she bent forward to gaze at herself in the water, she almost fell into it.

And then it fell upon her. Or against her… She did not know. All she knew was that suddenly she could not move; something was sitting on her stomach again.

"Aidan," she mumbled. "Aidy… honey… g'way." She waved her hand frantically, hoping she was waving it at him. A blurred shadow moved somewhere in front of her eyes and the pressure was released from her stomach when she turned herself. Somewhere she heard more crying, more screaming, but she couldn't decide where it came from. She was staring at herself again... A mirror? The past? No… she was not staring in a mirror. This was not her. She was staring at a monster; it did not even resemble a human being, apart from… Oh, of course.

Mono pulled her head away from whatever she was gazing in, a vague sense of understanding appearing in her otherwise blank mind. She was remembering Wander again; how he had been just before he had died – how he had not cared much when the sword had stabbed right through his heart…

She tasted something; something dry and cold and nasty… Voices danced around her; she could not block him – if she screamed, they became louder. If she remained silent, the source proceeded to pull her arms and sleeves and dress and no matter what she did, no matter what she said… it did not stop.

"Mummy! Mummy, coesa!"

Something hit her very hard; for a few moments her mind was clear again. The headache was still there, but she could see Aidan again, crying so loudly that she immediately pressed her hands against her ears.

"What's wrong, honey?" she wanted to say, but what she could hear come out of her mouth did not resemble those words in any way. She threw another look at the mirror – the 'lake', she now realized – and froze, felt the same shock hit her again. Suddenly her mind was _entirely_ clear.

It was not Wander, she thought… She tried to bend forward but eventually just let herself fall. She hit the ground hard, but ignored any pain that had joined the rest; all she wanted was to reach the water, to look at her reflection, to reassure herself that it was not true.

But it was true. The thing that was looking at her, was a mixture of Wander she remembered him dying – or rather, already dead – and the cursed baby she had known before Aidan had come into her life. Just a tiny part of the image she recognized as herself. Her skin was so pale it almost had no reflection at all; her eyes, cleared from all color, stared at her lifelessly. Her hair had changed color and structure too; it was dark blue and seemed to move on its own, without any wind required. Bloody veins shimmered in her neck and in horror Mono backed away from the lake, bumping into something that immediately cried again.

No, she thought wildly, it can't be! The gods wouldn't be like that; they wouldn't… Even Dormin had warned Wander…

But as she touched the top of her head, the undeniable was proved. She had seen them in the water too; two tiny horns growing out of either side of her skull.

"A-Aidan," she muttered, turning around and searching for him with her hands. As soon as she touched him, he stopped crying and returned to shouting, "Mummy! Mummy!"

"Listen to me," she rambled, unknowing whether she was speaking to him or a tree. "Mummy's… Mummy's gone for a while, okay? I'm… I'm… don't know where, but I'm nearby and soon I'll come back. You understand me…" The shouting became louder and she closed her eyes in despair. Words became harder to form; they seemed to melt in her mouth. "Sweetie… D-don't cry, I'll be back with food soon… Aidan! Please…" Words came no more. Aidan kept yelling, but Mono got up. Half seeing and half feeling where she was going, she made her way up the hill, hoping to get the right path. Aidan was crying louder, shouting, screaming and she was screaming too or was she not? What was that agonizing feeling burning in her chest, burning in her eyes?

When turning her head, she saw nothing but vague figures and burning white, but she knew she had to be looking at little Aidan, all alone, crying, hungry. What was she doing?

Saving him.

She knew.

If only she'd known all along.

She could've prepared.

"Mummy! Mummy!"

It was unbearable; she hated herself for doing this, but she knew this was only the first part. She had to leave him before it got worse. Because if it did… She had to clung to something that felt like a rock for support when remembering that hoarse, chilling voice: "Mono…", followed by that … that thing lunging at her and… Oh gods, she couldn't let that happen… not to Aidan!

She pointed her gaze forward – forwardish, as the path in front of her seemed to wriggle. It even seemed to whisper words. She was going nowhere. Or somewhere… anywhere.

"Gods," she almost spat, "I thought … help him!" But she knew there was no use to beg. She had done it before and not until now had she realized she had made a big mistake.

Yet, she was not planning on just letting this happen. She had managed it before, she would do it again. She had to. She had to live. For Aidan. For Wander.


	16. Chapter 15: I Must Live

**Chapter fifteen  
>I Must Live<strong>

* * *

><p>She was dancing in the fields, surrounded by birds and lizards and branches. Horses galloped around her. Among them was Agro, healthy and whinnying, with Wander on her back. They were smiling at her, as though they had never been hurt in the slightest. Wander said something, but she could not hear him – yet she knew he was saying something wonderful. It must be a poem, a song, specially written for her. Mono tried to touch them, but fell right through them, head-first in the sand.<p>

She spat, gagged, almost threw up… Her whole body was aching; like the beating drums on ceremonies. Her own ceremony, for that matter. The knives were carving through her skin, leaving drops of blood everywhere. Without a warning her skin seemed to explode. Real, scarlet drops of blood dancing through the air before landing on the sand. She looked down to her clothes; there was hardly anything left of them. What was still intact, was soaked with dark blood. She could hardly see anything beyond a meter or two. Where was she going? Where was she now? Had she gone lost in the ashes of the forest or was she already outside?

No, no, pull yourself together… She had to move on. If she wouldn't, Aidan would die. Nobody knew he was here and she would not survive this. It was clear to her from the moment she had seen herself in the water. There was no way back. She had chosen this herself and there was no other option than securing Aidan would be taken care of, otherwise he would die completely on his own, abandoned by all… She could not let that happen. Twice he had been reborn… she could not let that be in vain.

With the upmost efforts she lifted her head; through the blur she recognized the large structure of the Shrine. Using what felt like every single muscle in her body she lifted herself from the ground and did a few steps.

"I must live," she mumbled, seemingly floating on the spot. She felt nothing, saw nothing… There was nothing.

* * *

><p><em>The water rippled as her tears fell into them. The moonlight was reflected and shattered into millions sparks of light dancing around her head in the water. The heavy golden necklace she was wearing, with the gods' symbol carved in it, hung just a few centimeters above the surface. Slowly she dipped her fingers into the water and erased her own image.<em>

"_Hi." The voice was soft and hesitant, though Mono immediately recognized its owner and she turned around to see Wander._

_She immediately averted her eyes. "Why are you here?" _

_Seeing him this night, the night before it would happen, was hurtful. It reminded her of the fact that she would never see him again. And oh, he looked so mature and strong, holding his bow as casually as though he had just gone for a night stroll. His hair was long and fell in front of his gray eyes that were filled with sadness._

"_I haven't given up just yet," he simply answered. She felt his gaze going over her body. She was wearing a beige dress of a heavy fabric with large symbols on it. Her hair fell alongside her face, but the wind slammed it in her face occasionally. "If the situation was different, I would have told you that you look amazing."_

"_Yeah, sure." Mono knew perfectly well her eyes were red and her face was wrinkled._

_He tilted his head to the side. "If you still don't want to save yourself…"_

"_I don't."_

"… _then I'll go with you."_

_She stared at him. "Go? What do you mean?"_

_The wind was blowing through his hair too and Mono saw that beneath his handsomeness, he was looking bad. His face was dirty, his clothes had stains in them and he was very pale, as if he had not eaten the past few days. "If it's not my time yet," he said in all earnest, "then it's not yours either."_

"_The gods decide that," replied she curtly, "and clearly they've decided that it _is_ my time."_

"_I urge you to shut up, because I won't listen until you put some sense in your words." Mono backed away; Wander had never spoken to her like that. His eyes were narrowed and his hands actually hurt her when they squeezed hers. His voice trembled as he continued: "Don't try to change my mind, because I won't. Perhaps you're too stupid to save yourself, but I'm not."_

"_Wander, this is something decided by a higher force. If my death can save the village, then I've made my decision."_

"_I've made mine, too. I don't want to lose you."_

_She was struggling to keep the tears away. Her love for Wander had opened up in all fury; she wished she and Wander had gotten more time together, but the last thing she wanted was that Wander would stop living his life because of her. _

"_You won't lose me," said she. "In the afterlife, we'll find each other again. Then we'll spend the eternity together."_

_Wander cast a desperate look at her. "What if there's no afterlife?"_

_Mono's mouth twitched at the thought what _he _would have said upon hearing this profanity. _

_Wander continued furiously, "Yeah, got nothing to say to that, huh? You know why? Because nobody knows! Who says there are gods, anyway? And if there are, who says they care about us?"_

"_It's… it's not up to us to question that…"_

"_Listen, Mono, if you let them kill you … I promise that I will follow you."_

"_No!" Mono grabbed his shoulders and tried to look him directly in the eyes, but he stubbornly looked the other way. "No, Wander, you'll just anger the gods! It's no use – the afterlife is there, I promise. Behave, live your life, enjoy… then we'll be together again. Not sooner."_

"_This is not about pleasing the gods or not," he snapped. "This is about the nonsense they've come up with why to do you harm."_

"_Wander, if I really do have a cursed fate, in all honesty I can say that I'd be better off dead."_

"_I don't agree and you can't make me." _

_He clenched his fists as he stared at her in fury. She sank down in the grass, staring at the horizon. All this perfectly balanced nature… the animals walking around. If only life had been going the way it did. Just marrying Brenn, spending time with Wander and Agro… She looked up to Wander; he sat down next to her, with an expression that told her he meant it. He did mean it._

"_Wander," she whispered. "Do you love me?"_

_His expression softened immediately. Taking her hand, he said in a shaky voice: "I do, Mono, I do. By the gods, do I love you."_

"_Then can you please spare me the thought that my best friend will kill himself? If you really love me, you will live on and do what's right. Look," she continued when he opened his mouth, "you simply cannot prevent this. Don't try. Don't let this rule your life. Sacrifices happen. Think about your parents. Think about Agro. There's more in life. Promise me you won't harm yourself."_

"_I … I promise." Jerkily he released her hand and looked at the sky. "But I'll also promise that I won't let you get away from this world so easily."_

_She smiled, if only because she would be so glad if this was just another discussion about the meaning of life between two kids. "Wander, there's no way to undo death."_

"_Just watch me prove you wrong."_

"_Oh, Wander, why do you make this so much worse than it is already? I don't want this all. I want you to live happily ever after, with or without me. I can't bear the thought that you'll suffer from something I've done. I love you; I want you to be happy."_

_Tears seemed to blow mist into her eyes; it prevented her from seeing Wander's face, but she could still feel his strong arms around her and she could still hear his soothing words as he rocked her._

"_Hold me," she sobbed, clutching his shirt. "Hold me when it happens."_

"_I will," he whispered in her ear. "I will always hold you." His words almost sank in the night like a fallen branch in a river. Mono shivered and held him closer. Her eyes were directed strictly at the horizon. Within a few hours, the last sunrise she would ever see, would occur. The last day she would ever experience. Then she felt Wander holding her and she eased. At least, she thought, at least I won't die alone. _

* * *

><p>The Shrine was ever far away … She could not reach it, there was no energy left in her body. It's over, she realized; this truly is the gods' work. I said I would do anything. The gods never forget a promise.<p>

Finally giving in to the excruciating pain and fatigue, she closed her eyes. Soon she felt the ground underneath her; the sun burning on her body… but it didn't matter… it was over. She couldn't save him. Now Aidan would die after all… She was all alone… had broken every promise, just like Wander had. What was her life worth anyway, if she could not even save her dearest?

Whispers danced around her ears like flames. Voices of her parents, Wander, Aidan's sweet words, even Agro's whinny was there… they were all there; they would hold her. Everybody she had loved would be there when she died…

Her vision faded away. Every side of her head was aching; she pressed her hands against her temples… Weird dark blurs danced on either side of her sight and eventually all she could see was a blurring mess, but the whispers became stronger. She could recognize words; her name, an exclamation… "Oh gods…" With her last powers she opened her eyes. His face floated in front of face; his lips moved but she could not understand a single word. Something wet fell on her cheek… It was him… it was him. She tried to say his name but was not sure whether actual sound came out of her mouth. All she knew was two strong arms took her and with that, she lost all worry. She closed her eyes for a second, then opened them. She gazed straight in the blurred vision of a face. A face so familiar. She did not recognize him, but it had to be him… It had to be. Who else could be here? Life and death was not enough to separate them. She let out a deep sigh of relief, for she knew she would be okay… _Aidan_ would be okay, because now she was in the care of someone whose love for her easily doubled her affection for him. It's him, she thought, crying from pure happiness. She wanted to hold him, to kiss him. He's back, she thought again, he's come for me! After all this time, he's here at my side again.

He's back…


	17. Chapter 16: The Last Embrace

**Chapter sixteen**  
><strong>The Last Embrace<strong>

* * *

><p>It was completely silent, but not for long. As soon as she opened her eyes and tried to lift her arm, a ragged breath sounded very close to her. Something cold and wet caressed her burning hot forehead; it eased the pain and made her mind a little clearer.<p>

I can see, she realized. I can think. I can't see Wander anymore…

She averted her eyes and turned her body away from him. Staring over the Forbidden Lands, vast as ever, she felt more incomplete than ever.

A shred of hope, shattered across the land. Life and death did not matter in these lands and yet Wander was unable to reach her. Had she not learned anything? The gods' will was law. They knew. They always knew everything and better than man. She was not fit. If she could not accept that her Wander has truly died and made place for Aidan, how could she ever give that little boy the mother he deserved?

Somehow she found the strength to pull herself up. She got off the altar and, although she felt dizzy and could not walk in a straight line, she managed to walk a few meters before two strong arms embraced her.

She did not care anymore. In a flash she had recognized his face and it was not him. That was all she needed to know. Over his shoulder she saw a dapple grey horse. She moved her hands to the boy's chest and pulled him away from her.

"Mono – you … you know who I am, don't you?"

"Don't be silly," she mumbled and attempted to take another step forward, but again he blocked her.

"Be careful." Shakily he kissed her on the forehead, but she turned her face away from him.

"I feel better. I can walk down the stairs myself."

"I prayed for you to get better."

The triumphant tone in his voice irritated her. Oh yeah? she thought. Why didn't you pray before? Why don't you pray now? She shook it off her and made her way down. Even though he did not try and stop her anymore, he kept guiding her.

"Where are we going?" he asked when she got to his horse.

"I'll tell you." She clung herself to the saddle and tried to get up, but she had not enough strength in her arms and took a step back. She turned to Brenn, who stood there purposelessly. "We must go."

"Mono, please get back inside." His eyes were shimmering, but his voice was steady. "You're ill."

Her hands shot back to the side of her head and the shred of hope disappeared. She lowered her hands as she stared at the young man. "I feel better than I look."

"But…" He swallowed again, but he could not fool her. "What's happened, Mono?"

"You mean what has turned me into this monster?"

To his credit, he did not deny it. "Where's Wander?"

She stared at him, hoping her eyes were cold, even though her heart skipped a beat. "Dead. Didn't your father tell you?"

"I'm - I'm truly sorry to hear, Mono."

"Didn't your father tell you?" she repeated, blinking away the sudden tears.

His mouth twitched. "He did, but I'd thought maybe..."

"You thought that if I can get up again after having taken a sword to the chest, so can he?"

"The gods' ways are unpredictable."

"They sure are. Now, get on that horse before time is up."

This time he silently obeyed. Without saying another word he helped her onto the horse and then mounted it himself. She had to wrap her arms around his waist to prevent herself from falling off. A cold wind cut right through her and she shuddered.

"Where to?" Brenn's voice was little more than a part of that cold wind.

"Go to the right. To the burnt down forest."

Brenn's breath sped up. "What will we find there?"

"I can't explain. You'll just need to see."

* * *

><p>Mono kept silent while they were trotting through the ashes. Brenn did not ask her anything. She was glad about it, because with every step of the horse the headache got worse. Whatever the gods had granted their lovely little pupil, it would not last forever.<p>

The Forbidden Lands were grey and cold. Mono realized she was crying again. She rubbed her cheek with her sleeve, but new tears came faster than she could wipe them away. Today she would leave the Lands again, after so many months. Today she would no longer be alone with Aidan. Could these lands ever have provided a home to her? They almost had… Almost.

"See that cave?" she whispered when they got out of the forest.

"I do."

"Inside, turn left."

"Left?"

"Left. To the lake underneath us."

He immediately looked down, as well as Mono. She could not see Aidan from here. Oh, if only nothing had happened! She felt Brenn's muscles tighten as they rode down the path to the lake. It was eerily silent. Mono held her breath when Brenn stopped his horse. They sat completely still in the saddle for a moment, as if waiting for something to happen.

Mono scanned the area. Her heart was pounding in her chest. Where was Aidan? She dropped herself from the horse, but as soon as her legs touched the ground, they collapsed. Brenn immediately jumped down next to her and asked whether she was okay.

"Where's Aidan?" she whispered.

"Who?"

"A child. He must be here. Please… Look for him."

"I… Mono, you have … You have a child?" The expression of disappointment was clearly visible on his face. She did not reply, so he turned around.

It turned out Aidan had hid behind the big tree, crying in a little corner. As soon as he saw Mono, he stretched out his little arms and Mono took him. She pressed her face against his, crying, because she knew it would be the last time.

Brenn crouched next to her. "Mono," he said in a voice shaking with fear, "will you please tell me what has happened?"

Mono kept looking at her little boy. Aidan was smiling to her, but no matter how hard she tried, she could not manage a smile of her own. "It's all very simple, really," she started slowly. "This boy was cursed and dying.. Whatever I did, I couldn't save him. But then I took his curse and now I am the one dying…" She actually found it quite easy to say those words, but according to Brenn's expression, they were not easy to comprehend.

"You're not dying," was the first thing he said.

"Look at me," she said, gesturing to her pale skin, shimmering with blue veins. "I'm barely alive."

"You're still alive and I intend to keep it like that for many, many more years, even if it means I have to stay here for all that time." His voice was soft, but hammered in her head as if he had screamed. She closed her eyes.

"Give up. I thought that of all people, _you_ would understand."

"What is there to understand?" he exclaimed in a desperate voice.

"Very little. You'll just have to accept that even though your prayers may have given me some time, I'll die anyway."

"But why?"

"I don't have time to explain all," she said. She gave Aidan a kiss; the little boy calmed down and let his head rest against her shoulder. "Well… This is Aidan."

Brenn stared at the little boy. Slowly he touched the red hair. "Your son?"

"No…" Mono hesitated. How could she explain Aidan to him, if she did not know herself? All she knew he was a wonderful little boy, so similar to Wander that all she could believe was that he was an incarnation, destined to pay atonement for what Wander had done, just like Lord Emon had wanted.

"He's…" She averted her eyes from Brenn's. "I don't think you'll understand, but this is Wander."

Brenn let go of Aidan's hair and took a step back, looking bewildered. "You said he was dead."

"He is. The Wander we knew is gone, but the gods have made him … well, he has reborn, I think. This baby appeared on the spot when Wander disappeared and just look at him, they are so alike… I don't understand it myself, but I think Wander had to be punished or something and well… The gods chose this way."

"A rebirth is a punishment? Getting another chance at life is a punishment?" Brenn let his fingers run through his hair. "I don't understand."

Mono bowed her head. She stroked little Aidan over his cheek; the boy smiled. She saw his teeth were developing. "It wasn't just a rebirth," she slowly said, hugging Aidan. Then she let go of him and walked back to Brenn. His eyes were fearful, as if he wanted to leave this place as soon as possible. She could not blame him.

She blinked a few times, trying to stop herself from crying. Shakily she lowered her hand to his hip. Brenn's gaze followed her fingers as they took his knife. Brenn frowned. Mono sighed and presented the knife to him. Confusedly he took it; then he looked at her.

Mono took a deep breath. "Kill me."

His eyes shot to the knife, then back to her. "Come again?"

"Kill me."

"Mono, you've gone crazy. It's the loneliness, it's … It's going to be all right. I promise. We can get out of here."

She shook her head. "I have seen what this curse does. Kill me now, before I die from the curse. I can't guarantee that will prevent me from trying to harm you, but at least it'll give you time to take Aidan and get out of here."

He did not reply for several seconds, probably utterly bewildered by the words, which even she did not comprehend fully. "A curse?"

"Yes, a cursed fate, remember? I'm cursed. Kill me and fulfill your gods' wishes."

He looked down to the knife. To her horror his eyes were shimmering. When he looked up to her again, he was crying.

"I know you won't believe me, but I truly loved you. As much as Wander did."

"Really? I can't remember you doing everything in your power and eventually giving your life to save me."

"I just … I just didn't believe there was a way to save you. The gods' wish is law, is it not? How could I have known it was possible to revive you? I swear to you: if I thought I could've saved you, I would've put anything I had into it. And as soon as I heard that Wander might've succeeded in reviving you," he added in a defiant tone, "I rushed here and did everything I could to find another way in. I love you at least as much as he did. I am here, aren't I? I will save you now."

What was the point in arguing further? Mono sighed. "Brenn… I won't be saved."

"You will! You survived death! You survived a sacrifice! A sacrifice demanded by the gods!"

"But I was never intended to. Wander saved my life, but he shouldn't have. By doing so, he placed a curse on himself."

"The curse? How could you be cursed?"

"I wasn't. Wander was. Aidan was. Just like you I didn't know a way to save him, but I did. I still did. It may have backfired on me, but I still won. The gods granted him a true second chance, in return for my life." In a smooth movement Mono picked up the knife and held it before him. "So it's my turn to die. For Wander… For Aidan."

Brenn did not take the knife. "Wander's dead."

"Aidan's not."

"Mono, I'm not trying to insult Wander's memory or anything, but he has broken the law. The gods were right in punishing him."

"I _know _Wander has broken laws. I _know _the gods are right in punishing him. But this rebirth did not punish Wander. They have punished an innocent, homeless child. Even you should see that it doesn't matter whether Aidan is Wander or not, because even if he is, he's not."

She closed her eyes as she pressed her hands against her chest. The ache returned. Panting she looked up to Brenn. "Don't you see?" she breathed. "I am dying. Your prayers don't help, because I chose for this. I chose my own cursed fate."

"After all you've been through… all we've been through…" He took a deep breath. "How can this all be…?"

"Brenn, Wander relived again. He's healthy now. He's a child in the blossom of his life and he's completely dependent of you."

"But how can Wander have reborn? I just …" He looked over his shoulder to Aidan, who had started chasing tortoises again, as if nobody was discussing life and death. "… I still don't understand."

She smiled weakly. "I won't try to explain it to you no more. I'm not sure whether _I_ understand, even after all this time. See him as an orphan whom I saved from a curse. Take care of him. It's all I ask."

He had started to cry and squeezed her hands again. "Mono, you cannot die," he sobbed. "After all that's happened….? You relived after you had been sacrificed – doesn't that mean anything?"

"Apparently not…" Mono closed her eyes for a second, feeling so tired that she feared she could die right now. Keeping her eyes shut, she asked, "Do you promise me to take care of my little boy? Will you take him back home, raise him as your own son and when he's ready for it… tell him what happened?"

"I … I …" He sounded as though trying to find an immediate medicine. When apparently he could not find it, he said, "I will."

"Promise me, Brenn. _Truly_ promise me. Take care of Aidan."

Drops fell on her dress. "Aidan?"

"Promise me…" Breathing had become harder. She felt the pain increase and took a tighter grip. "Please, Brenn…"

She could practically see the hesitation in his face, but then he embraced her. The pressure was almost too much for her, but nevertheless she enjoyed it. She enjoyed this last contact with the boy she had almost loved, the boy who would take care of her little boy. She heard him whisper, "I won't let you die."

It made her smile, just because it was so silly. "Too late. Just don't let me die alone."

"… I won't."


	18. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

* * *

><p>It took them a few hours to truly begin the way home. First Brenn had to bury her body and of course he had to perform a lot of rituals. Mono actually did not like that Brenn chose the lakeside as her grave. She would have liked it if she had been laid to rest where she had reborn – it just was a beautiful thought. On the other hand, she already had had trouble seeing her dead body in broad daylight for only a few minutes. Combined with the realization Aidan would have to see her for a longer period of time as well, she eventually decided it was better this way.<p>

If only she could have told the two young men that there was an afterlife. Wander would not have gone through these lengths to revive her and Brenn would not have taken so long to bury her. She could have known, actually. She had always thought that her pursuit of Wander was because the gods had foreseen she would live again, but now she knew. She followed Brenn all the way through the rituals, while Aidan was sobbing in a corner. Seeing him so fragile was horrible, but Brenn sat down next to him and seeing him acting so kind, eased her. Aidan would be fine with him.

She felt another rush of affection for Brenn when he said those wonderful words during the ritual. Aidan looked from a distance. Mono wondered whether he understood – probably not.

When the duo arrived in the village, the commotion was expected. Brenn had chosen well; he said nothing about Wander, but just told the villagers that Mono had died after all and that this child was an orphan left in the Forbidden Lands. They accepted him, albeit a bit hesitantly, and Mono was glad to see that her parents treated him with a sort of melancholic sadness. She had mostly feared the reaction of Wander's parents and indeed, by the look of their faces, they had recognized him. So had Lord Emon and, of course, he immediately knew what it meant. The fact that he never shared his theories with any of the villagers, made Mono grateful. It made her realize that, like any of them, he was just human. A slave of the gods', like anyone else.

Aidan was welcomed in the village and grew up to become Wander's doppelganger. Wisely Brenn decided to leave the village when the resemblance became too noticeable. That moment came around Aidan's tenth birthday. Brenn left only with Aidan and his horse and Mono did not know where they were going, nor did she want to know. As long as they would never set foot in the Forbidden Lands again, she was okay with it. She watched them ride off together on the plump horse she had ridden so long ago. Aidan had become a lively, strong kid, showing the same streak of stubbornness and lust for adventure as Wander had had. She was sure he would do well and Brenn was there to keep him away from the same fate Wander had suffered. She trusted them together.

She hung around long enough to experience Brenn explanation to Aidan why they had to leave, including the tale of her and Wander (leaving out the theory that Aidan _was_ Wander) and how Aidan's life had started in a faraway land. It was satisfying to see that although Aidan was clearly a bit confused and frightened by this tale of death, remorse, crime and romance, he still did not follow the rules. Him saying to Brenn, "He was a brave man, wasn't he, dad?" was more than she could have wished for.

Then they parted ways. It was not like she had to follow them, like she had done so with Wander. This time she knew it was going to be okay. They would find a village and could grow up together, Aidan living the life Wander was supposed to.

So, when Mono left, she did so with a smile, knowing that one day they would be together again. Although things had not gone exactly like planned, she had not let him down and could be at peace, until the moment was there he would join her.

* * *

><p><strong>THE END<strong>

**I want to thank every single person who read this and of course big thanks to the persons that reviewed it, favored it or put it on alert. And again I want to say my thanks to my sister, who took the time to proofread the story.**


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